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First Lady Melania Trump kicked off year two of her youth-focused well-being program, ‘Be Best’. She said that, with enhancements to the program, she expects it to Be Bester.

Starting this summer, prescription drug ads in the U.S. will need to mention the drug’s price if it exceeds $35/month.  Drug companies asked for a compromise but were told “if you have to ask, you can’t afford depression” isn’t a real price.

University of Georgia sprinter Elija Goodwin slipped and fell into a javelin during practice, piercing his lung. He attempted to stagger away, but stepped on the head of rake next to the long-jump pit and was struck unconscious by the handle.

McDonald’s announced they’ll offer some international menu items in select U.S. restaurants for a limited time. McDonald’s wants to allow American customers to see how diners in other countries contract heart disease.

MTV fired Janelle Evans and her baby daddy, David Eason, from ‘Teen Mom 2’ after details emerged that Eason killed their dog, Nugget, after it snapped at their daughter. MTV said if the couple shot each other instead of the dog, it would have been better for ratings.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced the name of their baby, Archie. Harry said he was inspired by looking at photos of his big-eared father, Jughead.

Electric scooter rental service Bird is now selling its scooters direct to consumers. They say the average buyer is someone who’s rented an electric scooter, and wanted to recreate the excitement they experienced from their first concussion.

Amazon is selling a do-it-yourself guest house that can be assembled in 8 hours. When it’s finished and your mother-in-law moves in, you leave it on your porch and wait for someone to steal it.

A new University of Michigan study of wasps shows they’re highly intelligent, possessing a form of logical reasoning believed to have only existed in vertebrate mammals. This means when a wasp sees you pick up a magazine, it knows it better get the hell out.

A new porn video shows a man and woman having sex in a Tesla while the car drives on autopilot. Responding to critics, the woman said the video is clearly a fantasy, because most guys can’t afford a Tesla, and the video lasts three minutes.

 

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Britain’s government is giving Queen Elizabeth a 78% annual pay raise, from $54.6 to $97 million. The main reason is for repairs to Buckingham Palace, although Her Majesty was seen driving a Lamborghini and sporting a new platinum dental grill.

Pandora CEO Tim Westergren has resigned, following a week of Pandora aggressively suggesting playlists of breakup songs.

Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has delayed the Senate vote on Trumpcare; according to insiders, the bill is “hanging by a thread”. Incidentally, that thread is not covered by Trumpcare.

A global shortage of bee and wasp venom is worrying the medical community, who need the venom for allergy vaccines. The shortage is being blamed on global warming, and on the bees’ & wasps’ demands to be paid a living wage.

Japan’s postal service is selling postage stamps featuring Super Mario, Princess Peach, Luigi and Toad. Donkey Kong and Bowser stamps were pulled since they kept wrecking letters.

Deceased artist Salvadore Dali’s body will be exhumed as part of a paternity suit against his estate. A 56 year old woman claims that she is a legitimate heir; Dali’s family claims their father has been framed.

A Czechoslovakian nuclear power plant angered women by holding a Bikini Photo Contest to determine which interns would be hired. The women were further angered when they found out all of the winners were men.