Wednesday Jokes: Sept 20th

Apple released iOS 11 to the public, as CEO Tim Cook officially declared September 20th “Stare At The Download Bar On Your iPad For An Hour” Day.

  • iOS11 includes several new Augmented Reality features – including an Augmented Reality where you have the thousand dollars for an iPhone X.
  • Updates include changes to the App Store and a new Files app, giving you a convenient way to store music & photos that you’ll lose when you upgrade to iOS12.

TMZ released more photos of actor/comedian Kevin Hart allegedly cheating on his pregnant wife while in Las Vegas. In the latest images, Hart is seen posting a sign-up sheet for mistresses seeking to become his next wife.

Falling cereal sales led to General Mills reporting poor earnings to Wall Street, sending its stock price down 5%. While no formal layoffs have been announced, it’s rumored that a teary-eyed Count Chocula was seen leaving a meeting with Human Resources.

A new Boston University study concludes that young athletes who play tackle football before age 12 have more behavioral and cognitive problems later in life.  Pee Wee Football organizers responded to the study by introducing the Sippy Cup Concussion Protocol during league play.

President Trump met with Jordan’s King Abdullah II; Melania Trump dropped in at the end to share her resume & portfolio for any openings in the King’s harem.

United Nations Ambassador Nikki Haley said that Trump referring to Kim Jong Un as ‘Rocket Man’ in his U.N. speech “worked” — because other ambassadors who spoke to her later used the ‘Rocket Man’ nickname. Haley added it worked just like the time when she called a junior high rival ‘fat ass’ and the other girls started saying it.

A professor at the University of Munich claims that interference in the upcoming German Presidential Election is coming not from Russia, but from U.S.-based right wing groups. As evidence, the professor produced Facebook ads featuring Pepe the German Frog.

Amazon is reportedly developing Alexa-enabled “smart glasses” that users can wear to engage the voice assistant while out & about. Amazon’s next step is conducting a field trial with nearsighted homeless people who already walk around talking to their glasses.

Mindy Kaling shared photos with Entertainment Tonight on her last day of shooting Hulu sitcom ‘The Mindy Project’. The photos are expected to be seen by a hundred times more people than have ever seen or heard of The Mindy Project.


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