Friday Jokes: Sept 22nd

A high school art teacher in Arkansas was arrested, accused of having sex with four students. Her arraignment is delayed while she’s being treated for finger paint and paper mache infections.

Dozens of Florida women volunteered to do the laundry of visiting electrical linemen helping to restore power to the state after Hurricane Irma. Dozens of smarter Florida women are just buying the linemen new underwear.

For the first time in its 250-year history, the Marine Corps will have a female infantry officer. She will assume the post after completing mandatory training to prevent sexually harassing herself.

A Georgia area music teacher was removed from the classroom after giving her students printouts of vulgar rap lyrics and telling them to make them “more positive”. Of those students completing the assignment, the most popular n-word was “nurses”.

France is considering skipping the 2018 Winter Olympics in South Korea over security concerns, disappointing gamblers waiting to bet against the French men’s ice hockey team.

Travelers to Mexicali, Mexico are being warned about 7Up beverages contaminated with methamphetamine. One person has died from drinking it, and dozens more have died from routine chemical explosions at the bottling plant.

The FDA has recalled 11-ounce cans of Death Wish Nitro Cold Brew coffee because of botulism risk. An FDA spokesperson said the contaminated coffee could be lethal to drink, unless someone has built up an immunity drinking coffee from Dunkin Donuts.

A California woman reported that while she watched HGTV, she heard a male voiceover speaking the warning “in the last days, extremely violent time will come.” No word from HGTV on whether they’ll air more episodes of House Hunters: Apocalypse.

Megyn Kelly Today debuts on NBC at 9a.m. Monday. Kelly assured reporters that “It’s not going to be the Trump channel.” Meanwhile Fox & Friends debuts a new show at 9a.m. Monday called The Trump Channel.

Former Pittsburgh Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall told Bleacher Report that he now has a ‘dream job’ as a staff writer for HBO’s Ballers. Mendenhall said that he’s had a much easier time getting his pro football stories on screen than he did when he tried writing for Game of Thrones. 

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