Thursday Jokes: December 27

President & First Lady Donald and Melania Trump made a surprise day-after-Christmas trip to Iraq, the couple’s first visit to an active combat zone outside of their bedroom.

The President spent three hours on the ground in Iraq, shooting a 110 that he carded as a 72-stroke par.

Pennsylvania is toughening penalties for repeat drunk drivers. Second-time offenders caught driving while intoxicated will be now be required to both say – and sing – the alphabet backwards.

Lightning strikes in the Dallas area forced the cancellation of the Boise State/Boston College First Responder Bowl after just ten minutes. Organizers were worried that if someone was struck by lightning, there wouldn’t be any first responders there.

More than 3,000 patients may have been exposed to HIV and hepatitis at the HealthPlus Surgery Center in Saddle Brook, New Jersey. Although when contacted, most of them said they already had HIV or hepatitis from stepping on needles at the Jersey shore.

A father booked six flights on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so he could spend the holiday with his daughter, who was working as a flight attendant on all of them. He was upgraded to first class on one flight, dragged off another overbooked one and still hasn’t gotten his luggage.

An Oregon man became the first person to traverse Antarctica alone on foot with no assistance. “NO assistance?!” said a female penguin recalling several passionate nights.

A Michigan petting zoo is asking for residents to drop off their discarded Christmas trees so the goats can eat them.  Zookeepers said you can even leave ornaments on them that you don’t want because, screw it, they’re goats.

Police are reportedly in possession of a 2016 Snapchat video showing actor Kevin Spacey groping a busboy who’s accused the actor of sexual assault. Although Spacey is reportedly more embarrassed about 2016 video, ‘Nine Lives’ where he starred as a talking cat.

The top health question searched on Google in 2018 was “What is the keto diet?”. The second-most googled question was “What is ALS?” And the third most searched question was “If I have ALS, should I do the keto diet?”

 

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