Wednesday Jokes: March 20

Former porn star Jenna Jameson shared before-and-after photos of her butt on Instagram, part of ongoing photo documentation of her weight loss. You can tell which is the ‘before’ photo because her butt is bigger, and it has several naked men next to it.

Loyola Law School in Los Angeles is kicking off an executive education program to teach corporate executives “how not to be criminals”. So far they’ve kicked out half of the enrollees for cheating.

Joy Buckley of New York State gave birth to a daughter, Harper, weighing 15 pounds, 5 ounces. Officials are checking medical records to see if she is the largest baby in state history. Buckley claims she had struggled with infertility. She now struggles to walk.

Experts believe they’ve identified Jack the Ripper utilizing DNA obtained after it was submitted to Ancestry.com by his great-great-great-great grandniece, Denise the Ripper.

Disney completed its $71.3 billion acquisition of Fox. The deal does not include Fox News or Fox Sports properties. But, nonetheless, Mickey Mouse called a press conference to claim immigrants are ruining Disneyland.

A study in The Lancet Psychiatry claims daily use of high potency cannabis increases the odds of having a psychotic episode. Which, say devoted stoners, is kind of the whole point.

Only 5 percent of the U.S. population eats the recommended daily amount of fiber – a problem being addressed by a major fast food chain with the introduction of the Shamrock Metamucil Shake.

A Texas man whose cable tv service was acting up checked the cables beneath his house and found a nest of 45 rattlesnakes. A snake removal service took them away, after the cable company would only tell the man to unplug the snakes and plug them back in.

A 27-year-old woman whose persistent cough was dismissed as allergies during three doctor visits, returned for a fourth visit and was diagnosed with cancer. Her cut-rate health insurance then bought her a bag of Halls Mentho-Radiation-Lyptus cough drops.

Florida prosecutors offered New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft a deal, where they would drop soliciting prostitution charges if he admits guilt, does 100 hours of community service, takes an STD test, and pays $10,000 – or about 100 happy endings.

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