President Biden will form a task force to reunite immigrant families separated at the Southern Border, then he’ll sign an Executive Order requiring them to use the Buddy System.
Dolly Parton turned down two offers from former President Donald Trump to award her the Presidential Medal of Freedom – one to present the medal, and another to retrieve it after it slipped between her breasts.
A couple was ejected from their courtside seats at the Atlanta Hawks/Los Angeles Lakers game following an argument with Lebron James. The Hawks had no issue with removing the fans, but filed a grievance for James being awarded two free throws.
A 41-year-old ‘peeping tom’ was arrested after falling through the ceiling of the ladies locker room of a Virginia gym. The suspect said he fell while scrambling to get out before the senior ladies aquacize class ended.
Uber is acquiring alcohol delivery service Drizly for $1.1 billion – so now you can pair your Uber Eats delivery with a half-empty bottle of liquor.
‘The Bachelor‘ Matt James removed contestant Anna Redman from the show for spreading rumors about other women. James said he wanted to create a ‘safe space’ in the Bachelorette house for the dozens of women banging him.
Atlanta rapper Silento, best known for ‘Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)’, is charged with the shooting murder of his cousin. He’s scheduled to appear in court and is expected to plead Nae Guilty.
McDonald’s is bringing back the Shamrock Shake on February 15th. For the next two weeks workers will be trained to treat customers whose lungs collapse trying to suck it through a straw.
Scientists studying fossilized teeth claim Neanderthals and humans lived among each other and had sex over 40,000 years ago. They cited common traits of the respective teeth, and bite marks on humans’ shoulders when things got a little crazy.
Canadian Mike Jack set the Guinness World Record for speed-eating three Carolina Reaper peppers in 9.72 seconds on his 12th attempt. Jack also holds the world record for the most rectum-replacement surgeries.