Tuesday Jokes: April 16th

The centuries-old Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris suffered extensive damage in a massive fire. The Catholic Church said they’ll rebuild while conceding it’ll be a lot tougher than 850 years ago finding slaves to do the work.

  • President Trump tweeted during the blaze that Parisian firefighters should consider flying water tankers to extinguish it. That plan was never enacted due to the potential collateral damage soaking nearby bakeries & pastry shops.
  • Students from Leonia High School in New Jersey were at the historic cathedral just minutes before the fire. After the fire started, they said it reminded them of home.

An Israeli man on a fundraising tour through Orthodox Jewish communities in U.S. cities infected 39 different people with the measles. The man has been hospitalized and is receiving the largest chicken soup infusion ever.

Google researched employees to find what its best teams do to stay happy. They found 3 things: Allowing mindless chatter; switching times of recurring meetings; & active listening. A fourth thing, rolling in piles of money from selling Google stock, was common to all teams, not just the best ones.

Senator Bernie Sanders appeared in a Fox News ‘Town Hall’ meeting in his home state of Vermont. Sanders was cheered by the crowd when he discussed his ‘Medicaid For All’ plan, then was cheered louder when discussing anything related to maple syrup.

Seattle Seahawks QB Russell Wilson became the highest-paid player in NFL history, signing a contract paying $140 million over the next four years. His salary averages out to $35 million per season, or just over $2 million per concussion.

Lawyers for Robert Kraft appeared in a Florida courtroom, saying the police report that describes spa employees “manipulating Kraft’s penis” is so graphic that releasing video is unnecessary. The video has been requested by news agencies, and by other massage parlors for new-hire orientation training.

An Australian couple stranded 26 hours in crocodile-infested waters was rescued after etching “HELP” in mud that could be seen from the air. Rescuers persisted, even after the crocodiles had etched “NEVERMIND” in the mud below the original note.

Leaked clips of ‘Avengers: Endgame’ circulated on social media, angering superfans who don’t want to know that Captain America dies breaking up a catfight between Black Widow and Captain Marvel.

A Florida man was arrested for using a squirt gun to shoot his urine at a woman walking her dog past his home. He admitted to police that the gun contained his urine, but later denied it when attempting to return the gun to Five Below.

  • “Sure, why not?” was the reply when a reporter asked an NRA spokesman if they supported his actions.

Lori Loughlin and husband Mossimo Giannulli pleaded not guilty to felony charges of mail fraud and money laundering in the Operation Varsity Blues scandal. Through attorneys, they look forward to the last two minutes of a fair trial where everyone has learned a valuable lesson.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s