Thursday Jokes: May 16th

Police arrested a man drilling holes in the dressing room walls of Target stores in suburban Philadelphia. No word on whether he planned to stick his Target Team Member in them.

Alabama passed the most restrictive anti-abortion law in the nation. Mississippi is next – they’re telling residents it’s illegal to shoot storks.

The College Board will assign an “Adversity Score” to students’ SAT results, in order to factor in their social and economic challenges. The scores will range from a high of “East L.A. Gang Member” to a low of “Olivia Jade”.

A Florida woman was arrested on charges of assault with a deadly weapon outside of a Key West strip club for throwing a coconut at a man recording video of her on his phone. She plans to fight the charge since she has a coconut permit.

A Florida man was arrested for practicing basketball in the nude at an Orlando-area park. He told cops practicing naked improves his skills. He put his clothes back on, but only after demonstrating a nifty crossover dribble from his right hand to his erect penis.

University of Washington researchers created an app that detects ear infections using a paper cone attached to the phone that you stick in your ear. You attach the cone to your phone, stick it in your ear and hope nobody calls you at that exact moment.

Taco Bell announced it’s opening The Bell: A Taco Bell Hotel & Resort this summer in Palm Springs. It’s supposedlly an immersive experience in ‘the Taco Bell lifestyle’ – which is why every suite in the hotel has four bathrooms.

SpaceX is launching a “mini constellation” of 60 satellites in an effort to deliver broadband internet access to underserved areas on the globe unable to stream porn.

Penn-Trafford school district in Pennsylvania is being criticized for putting a ‘Middle Eastern’ headdress on a teacher posing as an active shooter during a drill. The school apologized, saying its next drill will feature costumes from the drama club production of The Wizard of Oz.

Munich, Germany startup Lillum says it will offer flying taxis hailable by app starting in 2025, and wrongful death settlements starting in 2026.

 

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