Monday Jokes: June 10th

Science & art festival ‘Maker Faire’ has halted operations and laid off all 22 employees, many of whom can now be seen at ‘Job Faire’.

New York City’s Four Seasons luxury restaurant is closing, after finding diners preferred Five Guys.

An 81-year-old Florida man is suing Jaguar, saying the automatic door on his $96,000 car tore off a portion of his thumb. He plans to take the fight all the way to the Supreme Court of Rich White Guy Problems.

Brad Pitt ordered organizers of the controversial Straight Pride Parade to stop using his likeness in their promotions. Straight Pride leaders are unfazed, having already secured Toby Keith as backup.

Dunkin’ warned customers of its Turnersville, NJ location they may have been exposed to Hepatitis A if they visited the store between May 18 and June 1, or if they ate a Glazed Hepatitis donut.

A Pakistan Airlines passenger delayed his flight by seven hours, opening the emergency exit door before departure, thinking it was the bathroom. He jumped on the inflatable emergency slide and messed up the tarmac.

Justin Bieber Tweeted to challenge Tom Cruise to a cage fight – ideally, to the death of both.

O.J. Simpson said in a telephone interview that he now lives a solitary life in Las Vegas, in what he calls the “No Negative Zone” – he only wants to be around, and murder, positive people.

YouTube superstar JoJo Siwa had her tween make up kit recalled from retailer Claire’s after the FDA found asbestos in it. Besides the mesothelioma risk, the FDA said that asbestos would prevent young girls from looking like ‘fire’.

Celine Dion ended her 16-year residency at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. With Dion’s show ending and Britney Spears on hiatus, Carrot Top has started singing lessons.

 

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