Friday Jokes: August 30th

The “entirety of Florida” could be hit by Hurricane Dorian when it makes landfall. It’s so scary, Disney World suspended Mickey Mouse for audibly cursing when he saw the weather report.

President Trump complained that Fox News “doesn’t work for us anymore”.  A visibly shaken Sean Hannity was seen being consoled about the potential breakup.

Justin Bieber led a worship service at his church. Jesus showed up and asked Bieber to stop calling him ‘baby’.

Retired NFL receiver Joe Horn thinks the league should switch from tackle to touch or flag football. Just in case it really happens, the New England Patriots equipment staff is sewing flags to belts so they can’t be pulled off.

USWNT soccer star Carli Lloyd kicked a 55-yard field goal at a Philadelphia Eagles practice. Some wondered whether Lloyd could make an NFL roster – with many doubting teams would use timeouts while Lloyd tried on different shoes before going out.

After giving up 10 runs in his latest appearance, New York Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard said he’s “sick and tired” of being unathletic on the mound. He’s asked teammates in confidence if they, too, have ever had that “not so fresh” feeling.

Alice Marie Johnson, who Kim Kardashian helped get out of a lengthy prison term for a drug offense, is modeling Kardashian’s new SKIMS shapewear line – saying she wished she had SKIMS for years so she could fit into a size 8 prison jumpsuit.

Robert Downey Jr said in an interview that he “knew it was time” to retire from the Marvel Cinematic Universe — apparently when he read an Iron Man 4 script that had Tony Stark develop a talking cane.

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey apologized for wearing blackface in a racist skit when she attended college at Auburn University in the 1960s. Or, as they called it at Auburn University in the 1960s, a Drama Department audition.

 

 

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