Friday Jokes: October 18th

Mark Zuckerberg said that Facebook’s policy allowing lies and misinformation in political ads is “something we have to live with”… like “spending millions for a wall around your house” or “selling personal information without consent”.

The first all-female spacewalk is taking place today — right after ‘Ellen’ so they’ll have some fun things to talk about!!

Mike Pence and Mike Pompeo negotiated a five-day cease-fire from Turkey.  [Mike drop]

  • Turkey did not, however, call it a cease fire. They referred to it as a “pause”…in killing innocent Kurdish people before steamrolling more of Syria.

New York’s City Council approved a plan to close Rikers Island and spend $8.7 billion to replace it with four high-rise prisons. They said they’ll recoup some of the money suckering tourists into thinking the jails are the Empire State Building.

  • They haven’t named the high-rise prisons, but the most popular suggestion so far is Trump Towers.

Jennifer Garner shared a video of her mammogram appointment, inspring women and disappointing creeps who disliked missing all the good parts.

Royal Caribbean banned a woman passenger for life for climbing onto the railing outside of her cabin to take a selfie. However, a spokesman for budget cruise line Carnival said she’s welcome on board their new ship Dangerous Selfie Of The Seas.

President Trump attended the ribbon-cutting of a new Louis Vuitton factory in Texas – opened to make enough luggage to carry all of Melania and Barron’s stuff when they finally ditch him.

Duchess of Sussex and new mom Meghan Markle told an interviewer “not many people have asked if I’m ok.” adding, “they also haven’t asked if I’m rich, and I am, so I guess I’m ok.”

American Airlines Captain Joe Weis, piloting his final flight for the airline, gave his flight wings pin to a 2-year-old on board, saying “NOW will you PLEASE stop crying?!”

Ethiopia opened its Imperial Palace to the public for the first time, at which point it was immediately stormed by thousands of Ethiopians wondering if they had anything to eat in there.


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