Friday Jokes: November 1st

Donald and Melania Trump filed official paperwork to change their state of residence from New York to Florida. Meanwhile, Barron arrived home after school to an empty apartment.

The Tulsa Remote program offers $10,000 grants to remote and digital workers who move to Tulsa, Oklahoma. The only requirements are that you be 18 or older, have a full-time job, and have given up on your dreams.

Washington Redskins player Trent Williams said he had a tumor removed from his skull, against the advice of team doctors who said he should avoid surgeries and wait for the concussions to shrink it.

Chick-fil-A apologized for an email sent to customers promoting National Sandwich Day, which falls on Sunday, when Chick-fil-A is closed. They also apologized for using email, which they believe is a tool of the devil.

Today is World Vegan Day. Restaurants are offering free vegan items to customers who want to try the food they insult people for eating.

Google is acquring Fitbit. Google’s Assistant is considering quitting instead of answering “How Many Steps Have I Taken?” for the zillionth time.

Kohl’s announced their Black Friday deals early – to the delight of everyone looking for a Mom Jeans Doorbuster.

Over 500 Dressbarn stores began their going-out-of-business discounts . All sales – and the dumpy, dateless look that goes with ’em – are final.

3M Company announced the teen winners of its Young Scientist Challenge. First place went to the inventor of a new liquid bandage; second place to the designer of a magnet-powered commuter railway, and thousands of Honorable Mentions to volcanoes.

A couple made an ‘Alien’-inspired short film as a gender reveal, with pink streamers popping out of the mom’s abdomen to say it’s a girl. The sequel will take place when the girl emerges from her lower abdomen via c-section.

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