Wednesday Jokes: July 8th

Monster energy drink is reportedly developing a spiked version with alcohol, possibly called Drunk Monster.

Bidet company Tushy is offering a $10,000 summer job for someone to make videos discussing pooping, and conducting interviews with others about pooping. So far the top candidate is a four-year-old boy.

WNBA players reporting to IMG Academy housing in Florida – where they’ll live while playing games – report poor food, bedbugs and rodent traps. IMG said they’ll remove the rodent traps, but now they have to change the menu.

Google Maps is adding traffic light icons to its navigation maps, so drivers can see which ones they blew through while texting.

Mary Trump’s tell-all book about her uncle, Donald Trump, accuses him of paying someone to take his SAT exams for him. The guy who took the test said he’s still waiting to get paid.

Dunkin announced they’re closing 450 locations – or, about 10 blocks worth in New York and Boston.

Brooks Brothers filed for bankruptcy, but executives will still look really sharp in court.

Paris Fashion Week runway shows are taking place online. Kim Kardashian already complained that her seat wasn’t close enough to her computer.

A pedestrian in Shippensburg PA said they were temporarily blinded after someone tossed convenience-store Sheetz Boom Boom Sauce at them. The victim was thankful it only got in their eye, not their stomach.

Mary Kay Latourneau died at age 58 from stage four cancer. She is survived by her ex-husband, who impregnated her when he was in sixth grade, and by the waiting list of boys wanting to enroll in her sixth grade class.

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