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Meryl Streep used a body double in Netflix film ‘Don’t Look Up’, where she’s shown nude from behind in the final scene. Nonetheless, the buttocks were already nominated for Best Supporting Actress.

Dr. Dre reportedly settled his divorce with ex-wife Nicole Young for $100 million, payable in installments of wads of $100 bills stuffed into her underwear.

Bing Crosby’s California estate in the Coachella Valley is on the market with a $4.5 million asking price. The current owner is being selective about buyers, ruling out those touring the home just to see the rooms where Crosby beat his children.

Amanda Renee Henry was arrested for assaulting flight attendants on a Spirit Airlines flight after they cut off her alcohol. Henry was also vaping, making lewd advances to male passengers, and trying to break open the cabin door while in the air. She’s expected to take a leave of absence as Spirit’s CEO.

Archaeologists say Africans used beads to express status and emotions over 50,000 years ago, creating what they call the oldest social network on record. They say the most popular beads were the ones indicating Mute and Interested in tribal gatherings.

Nearly 17 feet of snow has fallen in California’s Sierra Nevada mountains in December alone. State weather researchers reported the totals alongside news of another 10-year-old suffering a heart attack while shoveling driveways.

Jada Pinkett Smith, who revealed in 2018 she suffers from alopecia, gave a recent update on her condition. The update is “still bald”.

Comedian Amy Schumer had a cosmetic facial procedure – ‘cheek fillers’ – dissolved, once she realized no other female comedians had jokes she could copy about getting cheek fillers.

A hiker searching for deer antlers near Branson, Missouri found the skeletal remains of missing MMA fighter David Koenig, who’d disappeared two years earlier. The hiker requested privacy during this difficult time of not finding any deer antlers.

Legendary NFL coach & broadcaster John Madden died at age 85, evoking both emotional tributes and outrage as EA Sports announced, then cancelled, plans to rename its football video game Collinsworth 2022.

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Facebook is reportedly changing its name to emphasize its focus on the metaverse. Also, Donald Trump is already banned from the metaverse.

Disgruntled Philadelphia 76ers player Ben Simmons was suspended from the team for refusing to participate in a defensive drill – shocking NBA fans who couldn’t believe teams actually do defensive drills.

Actress Ruby Rose, former star of Batwoman on The CW, used Instagram Stories to criticize producers of the show for running an unsafe set rife with injuries and sexual harassment. “Why didn’t you just call me?” asked Batman.

Queen Elizabeth II “reluctantly” accepted her doctor’s advice to rest, and cancelled a trip to Northern Ireland. Instead, Buckingham Palace is where she defends her 2020 Guinness-Chugging Contest title.

William Davis, a registered nurse in Texas, was convicted of killing four patients by injecting them with air – from his butt.

A Grateful Dead tour t-shirt from 1967 sold at a Sotheby’s auction for a record $17.640. The winner then washed the weed stench out of it and it resold for $50,000.

An Israeli scuba diver discovered a Crusader sword off the country’s Mediterranean coast estimated to be 900 years old. He surrendered it to the government, and now has to come up with a different Halloween costume idea.

Hawai’i will reopen to vacationers and other non-essential travelers on November 1st, but many people getting off the plane are wary of the newly-imposed Lei Mandate.

Dr. Dre is reportedly furious with estranged wife Nicole after being served with divorce papers as he attended his grandmother’s funeral. The papers had to be dried off since Dre dropped them while pouring out a 40 for Grandma.

Rapper L’il Yachty is a first-time father to a baby girl, Dinghy.

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Clinical trials show a drug commonly used to treat constipation, Prucalopride, improves memory in test subjects. Online message boards report a huge surge in people taking the drug, then taking the Jeopardy! Online Test while on the toilet.

Facebook, Instagram & WhatsApp all experienced a massive outage on Monday, leading to a steep drop in home-cooked Monday night dinners since they couldn’t be photographed & shared online.

Former White House advisor Stephanie Grisham says in her new tell-all book that Melania Trump wanted to send full-length mirrors to African children “so they could see they’re very strong”. But she was also worried damages in shipment would lead to their having seven years of bad luck.

Amazon is starting their Black Friday deals early, due to “supply chain issues” – which is what they call bathroom breaks for warehouse workers.

Amazon is also instituting a $10 fee for grocery deliveries from its Whole Foods subsidiary. They say the fee includes delivery drivers telling customers which organic produce in the order is already rotten.

Rapper Boosie Badazz confirmed he’d been kicked off the Legendz Of The Streetz mega-tour because of an onstage fight and a shooting during his appearance at a Baltimore club. Promoters told him to come back once he’s Boosie ResponsibleAzz.

Dr. Dre’s estranged wife Nicole Young continues her battle over their divorce settlement, claiming Dre had at least three mistresses while married. Proceedings have dragged on for months due to time involved for her lawyers to ‘depose dese hos’.

NASA’s DART mission – Double Asteroid Redirection Test – will deliberately crash a spacecraft into an asteroid to alter its path near Earth. The mission will be captained by one of the only NASA astronauts with several confirmed DUIs.

Sarah Silverman criticized the casting of non-Jewish actors to play Jewish roles. Because there aren’t enough Jewish people involved in making decisions in Hollywood.

Major League Baseball’s Cleveland Guardians – formerly Indians – will continue to sell Indians merchandise and donate the proceeds to Native American charities. They’ll also sell Guardians merchandise, but donate most of it to third-world countries.

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‘Entourage’ creator Doug Ellin accused HBO of “hiding” the show amidst a “wave of PC culture”. HBO execs dispute his claim, saying they’re hiding the show amidst “embarrassment”.

Louisiana GOP state representative Ray Garofalo said Louisiana schools need to teach “the good side of slavery.” The session was paused so confused Louisiana legislators could be told what “school” is.

Republican Orange County, California Supervisor Don Wagner asked the state’s health director if vaccines have tracking devices in them, drawing laughter. Wagner insisted he was just trying to debunk wild claims about tracking, and about a mutating virus that kills people.

Federal agents executed search warrants on Rudy Giuliani’s home & office. It’s unclear what items were taken, but agents spent the rest of the day washing black hair dye off their hands and clothing.

Joe Biden gave his first address to a joint session of Congress, opening his speech “with the first overall pick, the Jacksonville Jaguars select..”.

India continues to break records for COVID-19 deaths, causing mass cremations of the deceased. The U.S. government has committed to provide much needed aid, sending vaccines, oxygen tanks, ventilators, and firewood.

Dr. Dre was ordered to pay $500,000 to estranged wife Nicole Young as part of their ongoing divorce. The payment may take a while, because, in accordance with hip-hop law, Dre must fly the bills out of his left palm with his right thumb.

After 17 years, newly-emerging BroodX cicadas were spotted in Quakertown, Pennsylvania…asking directions on how to get to New York or Philadelphia.

Fitbit is offering discounts on all their fitness trackers for Mothers Day. So go ahead, buy your wife or Mom a Fitbit and see how that goes.

VP Kamala Harris and Speaker Nancy Pelosi “elbow bumped” on the dais prior to Joe Biden’s address to Congress. They settled on the elbow bump after Harris tried, and failed, to get Pelosi to learn the 10-step secret handshake she created for the occasion.

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Derek Chauvin will not testify in his own defense at his murder trial. Chauvin informed the judge that it was his sole decision, just after his lawyer took his knee off of Chauvin’s neck.

The Chauvin trial jury is now expected to deliberate murder charges for the duration of an elevator ride to the jury room, then take another ride back to the courtroom and announce their conviction.

Democrats introduced legislation expanding the Supreme Court to 13 justices, and a separate bill to add a second Judge Judy who isn’t so mean all the time.

Mercedes-Benz debuted the EQS, its new all-electric car. The EQS has a ‘Power Nap’ mode for rest stops that reclines the seat, darkens the cabin, plays soothing sounds, and wakes up the driver if they’re having a bad dream about being poor.

Scientists have grown hybrid monkey/human embryos that survive up to three weeks in a lab. An unnamed investor is hoping combo monkey/humans can be fully developed so they can staff Amazon Warehouses.

Dr. Dre must find a new lawyer in his divorce proceedings, because his attorney had represented both Dre & his estranged wife in the past. The attorney objected, but the judge overruled his motion to dismizzle.

Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez broke off their engagment. During this difficult time, neither asks for privacy.

The WNBA held its annual draft last night. “Really? I missed it.” said multiple players drafted by the WNBA.

A rare condition known as ‘superfetation’ resulted in a British woman conceiving a second child three weeks after first becoming pregnant, then delivering both as twins. She almost achieved superduperfetation, but the twins told a triplet to get lost.

Cuba’s Raul Castro, 89, resigned as Communist Party President. He said he hoped to celebrate with a cigar, but is worried his skin will catch fire.

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After six years in prison, hip-hop star Bobby Shmurda was released on Shparole.

Disney+ placed an ‘offensive content’ warning before some episodes of The Muppet Show. including Dr. Teeth & the Elecrric Mayhem’s cover of the Rolling Stones’ ‘Some Girls’.

NASA’s Perseverance rover sent back a recording of the wind on Mars, followed by a robotic sounding “excuse me”.

Six Flags will reopen all of its theme parks in 2021 and will hire ‘thousands’ of employees – including specialists trained to tell the difference between COVID vomiting and roller-coaster vomiting.

Stevie Wonder told Oprah Winfrey he’s moving to Ghana – or at least that’s what he thinks is going to happen.

Dr. Dre calls estranged wife Nicole Young a “greedy bitch” in a new rap, which he made the unfortunate choice of debuting in a family court hearing.

Martin Gugino, the elderly Buffalo man whose skull was fractured after being pushed to the ground by cops last summer during Black Lives Matter protests, is suing the city for millions in damages, although he’s expected to settle for a condo in Florida.

New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy signed a bill legalizing recreational marijuana, although state-sanctioned sales won’t be available until completion of the New Jersey Turnpike’s Wu-Tang Clan Service Area.

Meghan McCain criticized COVID vaccine distribution, asking “how I, Meghan McCain, co-host of The View” can’t know when she’ll be eligible. Ironically, many of her viewers are eligible because their immune systems are compromised from listening to Meghan McCain.

Emma Colonel Aspuro, 31-year-old wife of drug kingpin Juan ‘El Chapo’ Guzman, was arrested on drug & conspiracy charges. She was detained after arriving at Dulles Airport in Virginia after emerging from the tunnel connecting it to Tijuana.

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Whole Foods CEO John Mackey said people wouldn’t need health care if they ate right. He then visited his friend in the hospital who’s battling cancer with kale.

Kanye West is reportedly divorcing Kim Kardashian’s ass – which is legally accurate since it has its own separate attorney.

Conflicting reports say the couple is not yet divorcing, but are in couples counseling. The sessions last an hour, then someone other than Kanye gets to talk.

American Airlines is banning all emotional support animials. American was then served with a class action lawsuit from a group of guinea pigs with Platinum Elite frequent flier miles.

Dr. Dre was rushed to Cedars Sinai hospital for treatment of a brain aneurysm. His estranged wife Nicole followed in a separate ambulance, demanding half of it.

Bed Bath & Beyond released an initial list of store closures. Shoppers living nearby are advised to seek still-open stores further Beyond.

Scotland’s leader Nicola Sturgeon said with the nation in lockdown, she would block Donald Trump from visiting his golf course there to avoid Joe Biden’s inauguration. That, and the course is so broke the guy who mows the grass quit anyway.

The Joint Session of Congress to count Electoral Votes will begin at 1pm – preceded at 11:00am by Congressional Interns count of enough lunches for everybody.

Washington DC will see large protests in support of Donald Trump today, including Proud Boys, 3 Percenters, the NRA, sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.

Lebron James wants to form an ownership group to buy the WNBA Atlanta Dream from defeated Senator and Black Lives Matter denouncer Kelly Loeffler. By “ownership group” he means the pile of money put together from emptying out all of his pants pockets.

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The Department of Justice is investigating whether White House staff were bribed in exchange for Presidential pardons. They won’t say by who, but two bengal tigers are appearing at the White House Christmas Party.

Actor Ellen Page announced he is transgender and will be known as Elliott Page from now on. He said he did it to live as his authentic self, and for the 30% pay raise.

A California court told Dr. Dre to reveal his finances as part of ongoing divorce proceedings, or face $100,000 in fines. Dre said his accountant needs more time to relabel hundreds of expense entries currently categorized as “ho’s”.

Irene Bedard, the actress who voiced Pocahontas in the Disney animated film, was arrested two times for disorderly conduct while allegedly drunk. She was released into the custody of caring woodland creatures.

Apple released its annual list of Apps & Games of the Year – led by ‘The Ones That Make Us The Most Money’.

New York eatery The Meatball Shop is suing Jersey Shore’s Snooki and Deena, saying they stole trademarks for the sale of their own Meatball Squad merchandise. The lawsuit will likely be settled with an out-of-court sit-down.

On Monday night, stargazers witnessed a Beaver Full Moon, named by Native Americans for the time of year when beavers finish building winter lodges, and named by Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt for entirely different reasons.

Amazon added webcam support to its Fire TV Cube streaming device. Just say “Alexa, show me naked people in front of a webcam.”

TikTok is reportedly testing videos up to 3 minutes long, up from the current 1 minute, so you can watch your kid’s terrible dancing for three times longer.

Spotify announced it now hosts a catalog of 1.9 million different podcasts – equal to 114 million minutes of trees falling in a forest.

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Dr. Dre’s estranged wife, Nicole, is charged with embezzling over $400,000 from him. Dre’s lawyers said the cash losses would only allow their client to make it drizzle.

Mayor of Anchorage, Alaska Ethan Berkowitz resigned after admitting to an inappropriate relationship with local news anchor Maria Athens. Athens would be on Berkowitz at 6pm, then look forward to seeing him again at 11.

A World War II-era bomb exploded underwater in Poland during an attempt to defuse it. A Polish bomb-squad frogman died trying to access the wires he needed to cut by repeatedly striking the bomb with a hammer.

Walmart is dividing its traditional Black Friday sales into three different online events: Trample Days; Fistfight Days; and Cyber Smash-n-Grab.

Nintendo introduced Mario Kart Live for Nintendo Switch — where Mario and friends race around the inside of your home until the cat or dog rips their heads off.

The U.S. and seven other countries agreed to NASA’s proposed rules for exploring the moon. They include not going in the lunar lander if there’s a necktie on the door handle.

Mars will be extra-bright in the Eastern sky tonight, meaning Martians will be extra-cranky tomorrow morning after trying to sleep with the lights on.

The CDC says ‘small family gatherings’ are helping fuel a surge in COVID-19 cases. They advise watching the 4 o’clock football games at home, and blowing off Sunday dinner at grandma’s.

Joe Biden and Donald Trump will each have televised town hall meetings on Thursday, Biden in Philadelphia and Trump in Miami. Biden’s will be called “Joe Biden Town Hall”, Trump’s will be called “Wasting Away Again in Coronaville”.

The New York Jets waived troubled running back Le’Veon Bell, but are still on the hook to pay him $27.5 million in Bell tolls.

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Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed away. The remaining justices expressed their condolences in a 5-3 majority opinion.

Bryson Dechambeau won the U.S. Open Men’s Golf Championship by six strokes, in a tournament seen by millions during commercials while football games were on.

As part of contentious divorce proceedings, Dr. Dre’s estranged wife Nicole Young is asking for half ownership of the Dr. Dre name. Death Row Records tracks would be rereleased with credits to Dr. Nicole.

Christina Anstead, co-host of HGTV’s ‘Flip Or Flop’ with ex-husband Tarek El Moussa, separated from current husband Ant Anstead. Antstead is her second Flip and soon-to-be second Flop.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged over 500 points early Monday amidst fears of coronavirus and flu season. Stocks are poised to rebound now that the Dow promised to wear a sweater and take Vitamin C.

A woman suspected of sending a letter to the White House poisoned with ricin has been arrested. Her accomplice told her she should have put it in a Big Mac instead.

Royal Caribbean & Norwegian cruise lines submitted new health protocols to the CDC in hopes of gaining approval to sail again. They also submitted plans for new Hospice Cruises for people who wanted to die at sea, anyway.

Palm Springs, California airport is seeing an rapid expansion of air traffic, as travelers seek the dry desert air to escape coronavirus concerns when they come out as gay.

A rare ‘blue moon’ – the second full moon in a month – will light the sky on Halloween night. So trick-or-treaters can say they caught COVID-19 once in a blue moon.

An August 7th wedding in Maine has now been linked to 8 deaths from COVID-19, and more than 50 terrible gifts from cheap guests.