Tuesday Jokes: September 8th

Novak Djokovic was disqualified from the U.S. Open Tennis Championships after unintentionally hitting a female linesperson in the throat with a ball. Remaining players that Djokovic would have beaten thanked her for ‘taking one for the team’.

Scientists say COVID-19 may cause prolonged gut infections and gastrointestinal distress, which is why they suggest changing the name from coronavirus to chalupavirus.

A black man detained while jogging in Deltona, Florida because he fit a suspect description was released and was even offered a job at the sheriff’s department. He declined, because the job was detaining random black men.

Nintendo is celebrating Super Mario’s 35th Anniversary with rereleases of several classic games. Mario is also celebrating – dumping Princess Peach for someone a lot younger.

According to unnamed workers, Disney is understating the number of positive COVID-19 cases at its parks. They’re also frantically searching for a mouthpiece long enough to put Goofy on a ventilator.

‘Beverly Hills 90210’ actor Brian Austin Green – currently separated from wife Megan Fox – bought a preschool teacher’s entire Amazon Wishlist of essential school supplies. “I didn’t order a webcam and lingerie” she said when she opened the box.

U.S. dentists are seeing an epidemic of cracked teeth during the pandemic. They cite increased tooth grinding from stress, and couples finally settling their lockdown differences with fistfights.

Facebook is offering a select group of users $120 to deactivate their accounts at the end of September through the November election. Then they need to figure out how to convert the dollars to rubles.

Paris Hilton claims in a new YouTube documentary about her life that she was physically and emotionally abused at a Utah boarding school. However, her roommates say the same thing about having to listen to her sing and DJ.

Facebook has stopped Alain Cocq, a 57-year-old French man, from livestreaming his dying days from an incurable illness. Mark Zuckerberg justified the action, saying there are plenty of other sites where you can see sick Cocqs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s