Thursday Jokes: October 1st

A Doylestown, Pennsylvania man was chosen to manage the official @Ireland Twitter account. He’ll return control to native Irish once they sober up.

Five parrots at a British zoo were separated and moved because they were all cursing at visitors. However, they did get people to give them a lot of f***ing crackers.

Google held an online event to introduce its new Pixel 5 phone – which most everybody watched on their iPhone.

A new study of 3,200 women showed they still consider sex to be important as they age – they just don’t think it’s that important tonight.

Scientists determined a woman’s reproductive system can actively select which sperm are accepted to fertilize an egg. They found the sperm with the highest chance of acceptance drove to the egg in a Porsche instead of swimming.

Conflict rages on between Armenia and Azerbaijan, in what’s being called ‘The War Almost Nobody Can Find On A Map.’

The Tokyo Stock Exchange suffered its worst outage ever, as officials scrambled for hours locating someone in Japan who’s good with computers.

COVID-19 vaccine trial participants report day-long exhaustion and headaches, symptoms similar to a control group that didn’t receive the vaccine and visited their parents.

The chief of the Federal Aviation Administration test-flew the currently-suspended Boeing 737 MAX, and recommended some changes to the aircraft as he floated to the ground in a parachute.

‘The Masked Singer’ contestant, actor Mickey Rourke, eliminated himself from the competition on Tuesday night, as did millions of other men who eliminated themselves from watching it to flip to the NBA Finals.

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