Thursday Jokes: October 22nd

Police charged a Florida lawyer for a series of bank robberies. They caught him after he sent each bank a bill for $150 for an hour’s worth of work, even though he was only there a few minutes.

Kim Kardashian turned 40. Her breasts, buttocks and lip fillers all turned 22.

Ghislaine Maxwell’s deposition in Jeffrey Epstein’s sex-trafficking case was unsealed, along with her notes written in purple gel pen ink reading “Do you like Jeffrey? [Circle One] YES NO “

Google shut down streaming service Google Play Music. It’s now Google Won’t Play Music.

Whole Foods announced one-hour grocery delivery, or about ten minutes longer than it takes for your organic produce to go bad.

Miami Dolphins head coach Brian Flores said first round draft pick Tua Tagovailoa will take over as the team’s starting quarterback. “Tagovailoa – you’re it” said Flores.

A Colorado woman was charged with misdemeanors after her pet deer gored a neighbor with its antlers. The attack cost the woman dearly, as she was forced to surrender one buck and another $1000 of her dough.

Iranians are allegedly sending threatening emails to registered U.S. voters, pretending to be white supremacists the Proud Boys. Asked why they chose Proud Boys, Iranians said because they already have the beards and the guns.

A volunteer in Astra Zeneca’s COVID-19 vaccine trial died of COVID-19, but Astra Zeneca said he was in the control group and given a placebo. Astra Zeneca said after thinking about it, they’ll still pay him the $200 participant fee.

Penn State men’s basketball coach Pat Chambers resigned following a university investigation of inappropriate conduct. Penn State officials struggled to accept the resignation, because Chambers hadn’t molested anyone.

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