Worcester, Massachusetts police arrested two boys and two girls, all ages 15 & 16, for throwing bricks at cars. The boys were referred for juvenile detention, and the girls were given softball scholarships.

The FAA issued new guidelines for home delivery of packages by drones. The guidelines expressly forbid the use of camera drones piloted by horny teenagers.

Donald Trump was reportedly upset with renovations to his Mar-A-Lago residence when he arrived for the holidays. He was most angry that nobody installed a younger woman.

American Airlines carried the first passengers on a Boeing 737 MAX since the jet was reauthorized by the FAA. It departed Miami at 10a.m. and arrived ahead of schedule when it touched down spinning into the Atlantic Ocean.

Billie Eilish lost 100,000 Instagram followers in a half-hour after posting sketches of women’s breasts. Some speculated that her younger followers’ parents were offended, while others thought the breasts just weren’t big enough.

The more contagious COVID-19 strain believed to have come from the U.K. has been confirmed in Colorado, where it plans to stock up on weed before heading back home.

At the current slower-than-expected pace, it will take ten years to vaccinate every American against COVID-19. The good news is that the vaccine they finally get will cover COVID 20 thru 30.

$600 stimulus checks will begin to arrive this week. The most-stated use of the money will be paying bills, while the least-stated use is tipping Grubhub or Postmates delivery drivers.

A happy Chrissy Teigen posted that she’s now “four weeks sober”, while happier Instagram users say it’s been five weeks since they unfollowed Chrissy Teigen.

A 21-year-old Russian sumo wrestler, Dzhambulat Khatokhov, once called “the world’s heaviest boy”, passed away. No cause of death was given, but those closest to him said he had kidney problems – namely, eating so many of them.