Friday Jokes: February 5th

Pornhub will use a third party to verify the identities of persons uploading content -using publicly available identity data, not boob and penis pics like they used to.

Online war game Call of Duty: Warzone has found & booted over 60,000 confirmed cheaters. They won millions of battles, but lost the Warzone.

Filters on iOS 14 meant to prevent children from accessing adult content are blocking all searches containing the word “asian”. While that’s fixed, kids are still learning through iPad and iPhone searches related to MILFs, kink, and latinas.

Harvard scientist Avi Loeb claims he’s “more sure than ever” that we’ve been visited by alien life on Earth. As evidence, he cites his inability to find pants that fit over the probe they used.

Donald Trump was the only living President who did not make a live or recorded message for this week’s National Prayer Breakfast. It’s unclear whether his absence was due to his pending impeachment, or for McGriddles being left off the menu.

Trump sent an angry resignation letter to the Screen Actors Guild on the same day they released their nominations for the annual SAG Awards. The Guild rescinded SAG nominations for Trump’s neck and balls.

NBA players are reportedly angry that the league still plans to have an in-person All-Star Game in Atlanta this March – especially since all of the strippers who usually travel to the host city are only appearing via Zoom.

Casey Anthony is reportedly co-producing a documentary about the infamous murder of her daughter Caylee, including never-before-seen footage of Casey, who totally didn’t do it, asking if her daughter is dead yet.

Google released an infographic showing the most-searched-for food items for Super Bowl parties. People are happy for the pandemic, so they don’t have to attend parties and eat Delaware’s “prawn toast” or Mississippi’s “possum sliders”.

Experts studying 1971 footage of Alan Shepherd hitting two golf balls on the moon determined his shots traveled 24 and 40 yards, respectively. Since he could only hit that far in zero gravity, aliens waiting behind him asked if they could play through.

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