Thursday Jokes: April 8th

Marriott Hotels is running a pilot program where human desk clerks are replaced by automated kiosks that check in guests and issue room keys. They’re in response to guest concerns about “catching COVID-19” and “being seen with hookers”.

Tiger Woods was traveling at an illegally high rate of speed when he rolled over his SUV and suffered broken bones. This, according to police investigators and anyone who saw a picture of the twisted wreck.

Kayleigh McEnany joined the panel of Fox News’ ‘Outnumbered’, where women outnumber men in a game show to see who can tell the most lies about Democrats.

Christina Haack [formerly El Moussa & Antstead] announced five new episodes of HGTV’s ‘Flip or Flop’. Co-star and ex-husband Tarek El Moussa will flip to a new blonde wife, and Christina will review her latest flop of a marriage.

Joe Biden’s massive new infrastructure bill incorporates over 100 billion dollars to bring broadband internet service to rural communities, and 100 dollars for customer service once it’s done.

The co-CEO of Elon Musk’s neurotechnology company, Neuralink, claims the company has the technology to create a real ‘Jurassic Park’. This is exciting news for everyone who hopes it happens, and that the dinosaurs eat Elon Musk.

Mike Pence signed a seven-figure deal to publish two books – a memoir, and a steamy romance novel about Stephen Miller.

More than 5,000 people attended an illegal party at Arizona’s Tonto National Forest, resulting in multiple DUIs after drivers drank so many Silver Bullets.

Hollywood producer Scott Rudin is the subject of a scathing article in The Hollywood Reporter, with claims that Rudin threw a baked potato at an assistant, then asking the assistant to get sour cream & chives to also throw at him.

LEGO released a NASA Space Shuttle Discovery set. They also released a Space Shuttle Challenger set that comes with gasoline and firecrackers.

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