Wednesday Jokes: April 7th

Lena Dunham launched her new line of plus-size clothing. Sales projections are modest, since plus-sized women say one of their goals is to not look like Lena Dunham.

A woman received the first-ever trachea transplant. Her boyfriend is relieved they could repair the damage.

Trading card maker Topps is going public; each new share of common stock comes with a tooth-shattering stick of bubble gum.

Delaware County, Pennsylvania police are looking for whoever stole a historic beaver statue from a hiking trail. They’re also looking for someone impersonating a park ranger stopping hikers and questioning them about their beaver.

Chrysler is the highest-ranked American auto brand in Consumer Reports annual ratings of domestic & foreign autos, finishing third-from-the-bottom.

Caitlyn Jenner is considering a run for California governor as a Republican, but is worried that winning would mean banning herself from public restrooms.

Embattled GOP Congressman Matt Gaetz reportedly asked Donald Trump for a blanket pardon. Trump agreed, then reneged after Gaetz forgot to introduce Trump to his 17-year-old girlfriend.

A family is suing the Fresno Grizzlies baseball team after a man choked to death in a taco-eating contest at a game, saying they failed to warn him of the risks of competitive eating. The winner of the contest also sued, saying they failed to warn him of the E.coli risk from Chipotle tacos.

Starbucks is conducting a trial program where you pay $1 extra to have your drink served in a reusable cup. Dunkin’ is trialing a program where you pay $1 extra to have your coffee served in a cup with directions to the nearest emergency room printed on it.

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