Thursday Jokes: May 13th

Domestic homicide is up 138% this year in Philadelphia. Philly – where families that stay together, slay together.

Apple fired Antonio Garcia, author of ‘Chaos Monkeys‘, after 2,000 employees signed a petition protesting the sexist & racist views expressed in his book. He expressed disappointment, saying he’d just finished a follow-up, ‘Empowerment Monkeys‘.

Ohio announced a million-dollar-a-week lottery prize to encourage residents to get a COVID vaccine. The winners are unknown, but so far 200 losers have died of overdoses.

Amazon Studios is spending $465 million dollars for a single-season of its ‘Lord of the Rings’ tv series. Studio chief Jennifer Salke defended the spending, saying the dragons wouldn’t work for less than $2 million per show.

Grimes said she suffered a panic attack several days after appearing on Saturday Night Live, when she forgot how to spell X Æ A-12 at the pediatrician’s office.

Actress Gal Gadot posted a Tweet calling for peace between Israel and Palestine, but disabled comments after hundreds of angry replies, including “Shut up, Diana” – posted by arch-nemesis Cheetah.

Chick-fil-A is facing a sauce shortage. It’s so bad, customers are encouraging employees to spit in it to stretch what they have.

American Airlines is returning meal service to domestic first-class flights over 1,500 miles. Spirit Airlines is returning its meal service, a single 6-foot party sub that gets passed around the cabin, with every passenger taking a bite if they want to.

University of South Carolina’s president resigned after plagiarizing his commencement speech, and congratulating graduates of the “University of California”. He then invited graduates to collect their diplomas, bong hits and jello shots.

NBC announced ‘This Is Us’ will end after season 6, leading husbands and boyfriends everywhere to delightedly shout ‘This Is Over’.

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