Wednesday Jokes: May 19th

A huge forest fire continues to burn across parts of New Jersey. State officials are hoping to make it go away by billing it for insurance and property taxes.

NASA’s solar orbiters captured video of the sun releasing a huge plasma ejection. Then the sun cleared its browser history and smoked a cigarette.

Andrew Giuliani, son of Rudy, announced he’s running for Governor of New York at a press event at Empire State Total Landscaping.

Government doctors advise colorectal screenings should start at age 45, because patients are nicer to look at than they are at 50 or 60.

China landed its first-ever rover on Mars. It’ll begin sending data back to China’s space agency in about two weeks, after it completes registration at the Mars Department of Motor Vehicles.

A Long Branch, New Jersey police officer was arrested for operating a meth lab in his house. Asked why he did it, he said he wanted to win the blue ribbon in the New Jersey State Fair cook-off.

A new report claims McDonald’s franchises are bypassing food safety protocols to keep ice cream machines working. McDonald’s disputes the report, saying they don’t have food safety protocols.

A father in Maine was arrested after his two-year-old son shot him & his wife with a Glock 9mm handgun. The man surrendered to police at the hospital, but only after complying with the shooter’s demands to turn on Paw Patrol.

For the first time in its history, NBC won’t have a sitcom on their fall tv schedule. This, after the pilot for ‘Untitled Chris D’Elia/Tony Hinchcliffe Project’ tested poorly. [story h/t to D.J.]

A six-foot alligator chased terrified pedestrians in a Wendy’s parking lot in Lehigh Acres, Florida. They were less scared, however, when they were later chased by Son of Alligator.

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