Thursday Jokes: May 20th

The FAA is considering weighing passengers before flights for safety, and to encourage frequent-flying dogs to get fit.

Lego unveiled their first LGBTQ set in advance of Pride Month. You can now choose bricks with bumps and no holes, or holes and no bumps.

Google Photos introduced “locked”, password-protected photo folders. It’s an extra layer of security for creeps who’d rather send a password to their vast portfolio of dick pics instead of just one.

A man was arrested for participating in the January 6th Capitol riots after bragging about it and showing a video of the mob while at the dentist’s office. The man wrongly assumed his secret was safe at Proud Boys Dentistry.

Kendall Jenner is being criticized for ads showing her with the agave farmers who help make her new 818 Tequila. It’s not that she’s exploiting their culture, it’s that she keeps asking if they’re the same guys who mow her lawn.

Demi Lovato announced they’re non-binary. Lovato felt compelled to make an announcement since the salad bowl haircut leaned more toward regular gay.

Philadelphia high-rise buildings are dimming skyline lights after thousands of birds died crashing into them. The light reduction is expected to work better than the last idea, Philly residents yelling “Go Birds!” to get them to fly higher.

Australian gold medal snowboarder Torah Bright posted a viral photo of her son breastfeeding while she did a topless handstand. She claims she wasn’t showing off, just using gravity since she couldn’t find her breast pump.

Larry Flynt Hustler Club in Las Vegas is giving free limo rides, private dances and bottle service to residents getting a COVID vaccine there. So enjoy a lap dance from a topless 60-year old nurse while you get your shot and drink free Mountain Dew.

Microsoft will discontinue Internet Explorer next year, just as Bill Gates explores the Internet as a single man for the first time in decades.

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