Washington D.C. police investigated a possible explosive device in a pickup truck near the Library of Congress. Police were called after librarians repeatedly tried and failed to shush the truck.
More than 50 U.S. Senators called on President Biden to expedite the exit of U.S. citizens and allies from Afghanistan. Asked if they’d like to go there and help, they replied, “nah, we’re good”.
California’s Caldor wildfire became the largest U.S. wildfire named after a defunct discount department store.
Alex Rodriguez posed with the Porsche he gifted to ex-fiancee Jennifer Lopez on her 50th birthday. Rodriguez reportedly removed the ‘J-Lo’ license plates and seat covers, and Ben Affleck’s condoms from the glove box.
Facebook introduced Horizon Workrooms, a virtual reality meeting app using Oculus Quest VR headsets, where coworkers can create avatars, use virtual whiteboards, and safely picture each other naked.
MS Paint received its first update in over a decade, as Microsoft attempts to appeal to a new generation of users seeking to draw penises and breasts on internet photos.
A JetBlue passenger was fined $45,000 for throwing his carry on at passengers, lying in the aisle, and putting his head up the skirt of a flight attendant – who he’s now dating.
Retired NFL QB Brett Favre is telling parents to hold their kids out of full-contact tackle football until they’re 14, to avoid brain damage while they’re still developing. Favre wants to ensure kid’s brains function well enough to remember which women they sent dick pics to.
The Green Bay Packers showed off a new alternate uniform, inspired by the look the team sported in the 1950s, and further inspired by the desire to make money.
Astronomers discovered a previously undetected feature of the Milky Way galaxy – a rest area featuring a Roy Rogers.