Thursday Jokes: August 18th

James Pfaus, a researcher writing in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, identified the three types of female orgasms, which he calls a ‘wave’; an ‘avalanche’; and a ‘volcano’. His female lab assistant claims that there’s a fourth: the ‘real one’.

Nadya ‘Octomom’ Suleman shared a back-to-school photo of her octuplets starting eighth grade. They’re hoping this is the year they learn about birth control in health class.

Disney Plus reportedly banned an episode of popular Australian animated kids show ‘Bluey‘ because it depicted dog characters farting. Disney Plus execs also deleted a farting scene showing severe concussions to co-workers of She-Hulk: Attorney At Law.

New Zealand police are investigating after children’s remains were found in suitcases purchased at an online auction. The suitcases also contained a note written by an adult excited about saving money on airfare for a family trip to Hawaii.

Mariah Carey filed documents with the U.S. Patent & Trademark Office to own the title ‘Queen Of Christmas’. Opponents are demanding a public hearing, mainly to see if Mrs. Claus shows up.

Kanye West angrily defended his Yeezy clothing collaboration with Gap, which requires shoppers to go through bags on the floor stuffed with the clothes to find their size. West said it’s the only way to ensure women bend over while shopping.

A new study finds podcast listening among Latino Americans has slowed post-pandemic, with many disappointed in the lack of Spanish-language content. In other news, Spotify announced the premiere of the Senor Jose Rogano Experiencia.

Famous basketball announcer Dick Vitale announced that he’s now cancer-free; although in true Vitale fashion it took him five minutes of non-stop talking to say so.

Four teenagers were shot at a birthday party in North Philadelphia. They told investigators they began to worry when the pinata broke open and bullets fell out.

Two men died in Florida after eating oysters tainted with vibrio bacteria. Said the restaurant owner: “shucks”.

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