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After decades, premium cable channel Showtime announced they’ll no longer air boxing. But for old times sake, they may ask the women of their only hit show, Yellowjackets, to fistfight each other.

Adam Sandler stopped a comedy show at the SAP Center in San Jose when he heard a fan shout “medical emergency”. First responders treated the fan, as warmup act that nobody wanted to see, Rob Schneider, told them “you can dooo eet!”.

A Lansdale, Pennsylvania man was charged with DUI and indecent exposure after stripping naked inside a Wawa convenience store. He was also charged $4.99 for a Salami Shorti.

Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni separated from her tv journalist partner, Andrea Giambruno, following sexist remarks he’d made regarding the victim of a sexual assault. The two will share custody of their 7-year-old daughter and the pasta maker.

Producers of Rick and Morty discussed how they replaced departed co-creator/actor Justin Roiland for the voices of the title characters. They said first, they made sure the new talent weren’t serial sexist abusive assholes.

Director Christopher Nolan said Hollywood studios missed out by not producing Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour film, allowing it to be distributed exclusively through AMC Theaters. He also said he would have made it at least and hour longer and more confusing for no good reason.

CVS Pharmacy said it will no longer sell cough & cold medication with phenylephrine as the only active ingredient. The drug’s efficacy has been questioned, and besides, they need more room on the pharmacy shelf for opioids & fentanyl anyway.

Chick-fil-A will pay over $4 million to settle a class action lawsuit over their inflated delivery prices during the pandemic. They promised low delivery fees, but then charged higher-than-advertised menu prices for orders placed online and by anyone who sounded gay.

Britney Spears said the abortion of her and Justin Timberlake’s unborn child took place at her home so nobody would find out. And because they found a house call doctor that agreed to bring KFC.

A black bear in Tennessee crashed a family barbecue, eating 10 hamburgers off the grill and washing it down with Diet Coke. The family then took to social media, congratulating themselves for finally having a black guy at one of their cookouts.

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Switzerland – which had previously issued only men’s underwear to all recruits – will now issue women’s underwear to female recruits. Thus ending the only long-term military conflict in Swiss history, The Battle of the Bunch.

CDC data cite COVID-19 as the 3rd-leading cause of death in 2020, right after heart disease and fights over the remote during quarantine.

Chinese police arrested a seller of video game cheat codes, who then escaped after unlocking the keypad on his jail cell with Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A.

Google Maps is being updated to include realtime weather information, for drivers who can’t see out the windows.

After spending a year in space, testing revealed that astronaut Scott Kelly’s heart shrank over 25%, due to zero gravity and his girlfriend dumping him.

Scientists discovered X-rays being emitted by Uranus – an even greater risk to melting your friend’s faces off.

A Pennsylvania pharmacist who wears a Superman suit to his vaccination clinics has given COVID-19 shots to over 15,000 people. However, a different pharmacist dressed as Lex Luthor has vaccinated over 15,000 with a mind control chip.

Ikea introduced a low-cost $55 air purifier, the Ffarrteerasr.

A plane being used for a gender reveal crashed into the ocean in Mexico, killing the pilot and a passenger. The reveal was confusing becuase of the pink dust floating in the blue sea.

Boxer Manny Pacquiao called people attacking Asian-Americans “cowards” and told them to “fight me instead”. A man who assaulted an elderly Chinese woman agreed to fight Pacquiao, and will make $750,000.