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A Des Moines, Iowa mailman rescued an elderly woman who’d fallen in the snow in sub-zero temperatures but couldn’t stand. He helped her to her feet, then slid her through the door of the wrong house.

Police arrested a truck driver for luring what he thought was a 15-year-old girl to a rented shower at a Flying J truck stop in Altoona, Iowa. He’d actually been communicating with undercover cops, who let him finish his shower because he really needed it.

A prominent Alabama anti-vaxxer, Christopher Key, urged followers to drink their own urine to cure or prevent COVID-19. He published his findings next to a coupon for raspberry Crystal Light.

Retired porn actress Jenna Jameson was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre syndrome, a rare, but curable, neurological condition, after she was unable to walk. Jameson said she hasn’t felt this way since just about every movie she ever made.

The City of Chicago reached a deal with its public school teachers union for safety rules that will allow in-person learning. The rules include expanded COVID testing and limiting handgun use to recess.

A genetically altered pig heart was transplanted to a human recipient. The patient is stable, but changed his post-mortem directive from “cremated” to “smoked”.

A bride in Australia video-recorded her efforts to contract COVID so her February 5th wedding would go on as planned. Her fiance questioned why she needed so many different guys to catch the virus.

Four people died of Hepatitis A after eating at Famous Anthony’s restaurants, a small chain in Virginia. They plan an aggressive relaunch as Infamous Anthony’s.

NASA said space debris will definitely slam into the James Webb Space Telescope – mostly Solo cups and spoiled guacamole after the International Space Station’s Super Bowl party.

Actress Tori Spelling took to Instagram to announce “every single member” of her family tested positive, with varying degrees of symptoms, of COVID-90210.

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Monday was National Guacamole Day, making Tuesday National Throw Out Your Brown Guacamole Day.

Scientists at MIT unveiled the blackest black ever created, absorbing 99.9% of light. They’re calling it “Flavor Flav”.

  • While the blackest black ever created is impressive, MIT researchers found most people think the shade that only absorbs 90% of light is prettier.

Rumors circulated that Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man may make one more onscreen appearance in Marvel’s ‘Black Widow’ movie — a scene where Tony Stark gives multiple compelling reasons to Natasha Romanov why she shouldn’t portray Iron Man.

Golfer John Daly’s son, 16-year-old Little John, won the International Junior Golf Tour’s Florida Junior event by nine strokes. The elder Daly said he thinks his kid will get even better as his alcohol tolerance improves.

Felicity Huffman was sentenced to 14 days in prison for her part in the Operation Varsity Blues college cheating scandal. The prison is reportedly pretty cushy; Huffman plans to report several hours early for hair & makeup.

Christie Brinkley dropped out of Dancing With The Stars with an arm injury. “Boy, I didn’t think there was a more physically demanding job than modeling!” she said.

Lou Ferrigno – TV’s Hulk – is selling his Los Angeles home for $3.9 million. Ferrigno said the house has “the best home gym in the country”. The equipment is pretty average, but it’s filled with hot young women he paid to be there.

Men’s Health magazine published an article “What Happens To Your Body When You Stop Working Out for 90 Days”. It’s about how Jonah Hill preps for movie roles.

To promote growth of bee populations, McDonald’s in Sweden is converting roadside advertising billboards into hotels for bees. This follows their successful decades-long campaign turning human arteries into hotels for saturated fats.

Couples and therapists are advocating the 5-5-5 Method to resolve conflicts, where one partner talks for 5 minutes, the other talks for 5, then they converse together for 5 more. This is different than the less successful 5 Method, where one partner takes 5 seconds to confess to an affair.

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President Trump joined world leaders to pay tribute on the 75th anniversary of D-Day. Trump said if someone with his IQ were president then, it would have been A-Day.

Officials in British Columbia claim opioid addicts are cutting down trees to trade timber for heroin. Police are constantly on the lookout for strung out men and women with a lot of splinters.

Retail analyst NPD group say thong sales are on the decline among women, while full-coverage women’s briefs are rising, then hopefully dropping if the relationship goes well.

A woman was asked to leave an Erie, Pennsylvania Golden Corral because the manager deemed her crop top and short-shorts “too provocative”. Social media users reading her story were shocked – that Golden Corral actually has a dress code.

‘Queer Eye’ style consultant Tan France writes in his new memoir that he worked as a flight attendant when he was younger. He quit after just two months, but said he still struggles to let guests at his house have an entire can of soda.

Tariffs on Mexican imports may cause drastic price increases at Chipotle. When customers add guacamole, instead of saying it costs “a little extra”, workers will offer customers financing for their burrito.

A new study claims people who only drink bottled water ingest up to 100,000 microplastic particles per year. Bottled water makers updated their marketing to call bottled water “a great source of synthetic fiber”.

A ban on U.S. tourism to Cuba in now in effect. The State Department named the new restriction Close, But No Cigars.

A tour company is charging $6,000 for a three-night Nevada excursion called ‘Sex Island’, where guests are promised unlimited sex with two differnt women each day. Critics are angry that it exploits women, and guests are angry that they have to pay $29/day for internet.

Florida man Tommy Burns and his mistress, Amanda Love, are charged with conspiring to kill Burns’ wife. All Burns wanted was Amanda Love, and all she wanted was a man ta’ love.