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Burger King restaurants in Taiwan are offering a limited-time Whopper with chocolate sauce, the Chocolate Whopper. They’re also being sued for trademark infringement by a black male porn star.

Netflix released the trailer for its new Adam Sandler movie, ‘Hubie Halloween’. Following the diamond-district drama ‘Uncut Gems’, it marks Sandler’s return to cinematic comedy, or whatever you want to call it.

Victoria Azarenka defeated Serena Williams in the U.S. Open tennis semifinal, in a rare battle of two moms. The match lasted close to two hours, since they each had to take multiple breaks and mommy-blog about it.

2020 Hurricane Season peaks today. Then tomorrow it can relax and tell stories of cities it destroyed to younger hurricanes.

Los Angeles is suffering its worst smog in 26 years as wildfires sweep the West Coast. It’s so bad, Angelenos are advised to wear both sunscreen and smokescreen.

Catherine Dulac, a Harvard researcher, won a $3 million Breakthrough Prize for proving neural circuits controlling maternal and paternal behavior are found in both women and men – except for diaper changes when men are watching football.

Customs officers in Miami seized $500,000 in cash being smuggled out of the country in a chair. The cash was so heavy, they needed help transporting it to the trunks of their cars.

Observations from the Hubble Space Telescope find much higher concentrations of dark matter in remote galaxies. This, after the Hubble found multiple extraterrestrials wearing Dark Matter Matters tee shirts.

The Centers for Disease Control claims that dining out is one of the most risky activities during the pandemic – especially at Boston Wet Market.

The CEO of an Australian mining company resigned after a 46,000-year-old sacred indigenous site was destroyed to expand an iron ore mine. He begins his new job as U.S. Secretary for the Environmental Protection Agency on Monday.

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The world’s second-ever infant born to a woman receiving a uterus transplanted from a cadaver was delivered at the end of 2019 in Philadelphia. The baby’s first words were “not for nothin’ but did youse know there’s a dead lady’s uterus in there?..”

A study in the Journal of Preventative Cardiology claims persons drinking tea three or more times a week live longer. After reading the study, three 19-year-olds died drinking Twisted Tea.

Newly released internal emails reveal a Boeing worker saying that the grounded 737 MAX was “designed by clowns”. In a statement, Boeing said that was just one jet designed for transporting 500 clowns in a 150-passenger aircraft.

A fossil found in Nevada reveals the Earth’s oldest animal guts. The fossil was found in the bottom of a steam tray on the Circus Circus hotel dinner buffet.

In order to attract and retain workers, Taco Bell announced some locations will offer jobs paying six-figure salaries. The store managers will still make $40,000, the $100,000 jobs are for whoever cleans the restrooms.

Justin Bieber revealed he’s battling Lyme disease.  The tick responsible for biting Bieber announced it’s battling Douchebag disease.

The Hubble Space Telescope detected the smallest known mass of dark matter – the building blocks of galaxies –  in the universe. Then they pointed it toward Earth and found the smallest known mass of gray matter in the head of a guy in the Oval Office.

The Federal Reserve is launching five new quarters to commemorate national parks. It would have been six but Disney refused to let them use Mickey Mouse’s picture.

Electric scooter rental company Lime is laying off employees and exiting 12 global markets – leaving commuters in those cities to find other ways to break their arms and get hit by cars.

Roomba robot vacuums with robotic arms are currently being tested. They can move items on the floor, and hit men lying on the couch to get their help cleaning up, goddamnit.