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A Texas man reclaimed his Guinness World Record by going skydiving at 106 years, 327 days old. He was awarded records for oldest skydiver, and oldest person to shit their pants in midair.

Actor Jaleel White, famous as nerd Steve Urkel on 90s sitcom ‘Family Matters’, got married in Los Angeles, before a live audience .. who were required to stick around for the wedding of another unemployed actor from 90s sitcom ‘Step By Step’.

Justin and Hailey Bieber announced they’re having a baby. Drake and Kendrick Lamar traded diss tracks arguing about what they should name it.

Actor Michael Douglas believes intimacy coordinators – who oversee sex scenes on film & tv productions – aren’t necessary, and that male actors should “take responsibility” during filming. Douglas is 79 years old and his sex scenes require a CPR coordinator.

A Virginia school board voted to restore Confederate names honoring Generals Stonewall Jackson and Turner Ashby to a high school and elementary school after those names were banned years ago. The name change could cost six figures, but the school board is hoping to find slaves to do the work for free.

The Senate passed a reauthorization bill for the Federal Aviation Administration, approving billions for airline safety, including money to paint warning labels on the side of every Boeing passenger aircraft.

The new NHL team in Salt Lake City, Utah revealed a list of 20 names under consideration following their relocation from Arizona. Although Polygamists, Teen Grooms and Cult Leaders probably won’t make the final cut.

NBA Dallas Mavericks Luka Doncic’s postgame press conference was interrupted by ‘sex noises’ coming from someone’s phone. Doncic laughed it off, adding that most NBA players don’t hear sex noises until at least 10 minutes after they’ve showered.

MIT researchers created a hair-thin curtain made of electrified silk capable of blocking noise transmission in a large room. Then they hung the curtain so they could have sex in the lab without the scientists on the other side hearing it.

A motorized Radio Flyer red wagon the size of an SUV is being put up for auction. It’s described as 100% street legal, unless you’re a toddler driving it under the influence of too many Capri Suns.

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Violence is plaguing Florida beaches during Spring Break. It’s so bad, entrants in wet t-shirt contests are soaked in blood.

Bianca Censori wore only see-through tights and a tube top to dinner with husband Kanye West at a Los Angeles area Cheesecake Factory. Everyone was able to get a good look because their wait for a table was 75 minutes.

Congress agreed to terms on a deal to fund the federal government through September, avoiding a shutdown. The bill provides money for the continued operation of Homeland Security, but omits $464 million requested by House Republicans to prevent fire sales at Mar a Lago and Trump Tower.

Consumer giant Unilever is spinning off its ice cream business, which includes Ben & Jerry’s, Breyers, & others. The move will result in a 6% reduction in the company’s workforce, although they’ll offer severance and outplacement for unemployed cows.

A antitrust settlement is expected to drastically lower commissions for U.S. realtors, who have historically shared 6% of a home’s sale price. Analysts project many realtors will leave the industry for new jobs, leading to a surge in Tupperware parties.

Viral video captured a Florida road rage incident where one trucker was seen firing a gun at another trucker. The shooter was arrested, and the big ol’ convoy broke up.

Actor Ewan McGregor said it was necessary to use an on-set “intimacy coordinator” during sex scenes he recently filmed with his wife Mary Elizabeth Winstead for a tv series. He added it’s just a coincidence that the coordinator was naked.

Tennis pro Arthur Cazaux fainted during the third set of his match in the Miami Open and was forced to forfeit to Harold Mayot. The heat & humidity were cited as a double fault.

The Bachelor Joey Graziadei asked female contestants at the ‘Women Tell All’ reunion episode if they received hate messages through social media. All of them said they had, most from jealous female viewers, and some from men angry their wives wouldn’t let them watch hockey and basketball games.

A Tennessee woman who ordered clothing from online discount retailer Shein received the clothes, along with a dented can of beans and a vial of human blood. Shein apologized, saying the blood & beans are only included with purchases by Shein Prime customers.