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A woman was arrested at an airport in Colombia for attempting to smuggle 130 poisonous dart frogs in her luggage. Worse, each of the frogs had swallowed several tiny balloons filled with cocaine.

Researchers believe they’ve found a link between ALS and smoking. They’re considering changing it from Lou Gehrig’s Disease to Joe Camel Disease.

Economists predict Valentine’s Day spending to top $14 billion – no thanks to your cheap boyfriend and his grocery store bouquet.

Two men drifting in the ocean after their boat sank were rescued by a passing Carnival Cruise ship – but only after the men asked if there was another, nicer, cruise ship coming along anytim soon.

Legendary singer/dancer/actress Chita Rivera died. She’s survived by her lesser-known sister, PlaysByTheRules Rivera.

National Geographic listed their 2024 Top Travel Destinations, including West Virginia. In other news, National Geographic’s Senior Travel Editor entered rehab for treatment of addiction to methamphetamine.

A 60-year-old woman was arrested after attacking a Frontier Airlines flight attendant who kept her from using the lavatory while the plane descended for landing in Philadelphia. Either way, sh*t was gonna go down.

UPS is cutting over 12,000 jobs, mostly middle management and contractors, but not whoever’s emailing to tell you your package shipped when they’ve only printed a label.

The maker of popular Stanley travel mugs say they contain lead, but are still safe, and that drinking from them will make you feel fuller, faster.

Elmo the Muppet posted on X to ask how everyone’s feeling, and many responded that they’re not doing great and may need help. Elmo sympathized, saying it hasn’t been easy living with a guy’s hand up his ass for over forty years.

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Updated CDC guidance permits a reduction in separation from 6 feet to 3 feet between students in classrooms – welcome news for bullies with a 36-inch reach.

A 108-year-old Philadelphia woman received the COVID-19 vaccine. Her only complaint was her weight went up 50%.

In a new book, Sharon Stone claims a film producer asked her to sleep with a costar to improve their onscreen chemistry. It was right before Stone left the cast of a Muppet movie.

A new study claims people who walk slowly are more likely to get sick later in life, provided impatient drivers don’t kill them first.

Overseas spectators will be banned from the Tokyo Summer Olympics due to COVID-19 risk, but athletes from around the globe are welcome to be sickened.

40 teachers in a suburban Philadelphia school district called out of work on Friday, citing bad reactions to COVID-19 vaccines, and totally not a day-drinking party to watch the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament.

Miami Beach Police used SWAT teams to disperse spring breakers violating the city’s new 8pm curfew. SWAT officers reportedly had trouble figuring out whose partier’s hands were in the air to surrender, and which were there to wave like they don’t care.

Scientists studying women and newborns claim they’ve identified 50 new chemicals lurking in human bodies – several of them are plastics, the rest are tied to flavor variants of Mountain Dew.

A 27-year-old named Meghann quit tv survival challenge ‘Naked & Afraid’ after four days in a Mexican desert, saying she couldn’t sleep because of biting insects in her genitals. The insects weren’t thrilled with their sleeping arrangements, either.

A Chicago Cubs minor leaguer was arrested for transporting 20 pounds of meth and over a pound of oxycodone pills. He claimed the drugs were necessary to help coaches and teammates overcome the boredom of watching spring training baseball.

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Actor Peter Mayhew, who played Chewbacca in beloved Star Wars films, died at age 74. No cause of death was released, but it’s rumored he was upset over feedback from footage of his portrayal of Sonic the Hedgehog.

Jeff Fowler, director of the upcoming Sonic the Hedgehog movie, tweeted that the design of the Sonic character will be changed based on fan feedback, and that the title of the movie will be changed to Fortnite.

A man fell 70 feet into Hawaii’s KÏlauea volcano and survived, in what locals are calling a pretty lousy human sacrifice.

  • The man was airlifted to a local hospital, where his family expressed hope that he recovers in time for his trip to the Grand Canyon.

Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh resigned after she made over $500,000 selling her children’s books to entities that do business with the city. The books promote exercise, a healthy diet, and instruct Baltimore children how to pick the right gang.

Maine became the first state to ban foam food & beverage packaging. The ban takes place January 1, 2021, to allow Dunkin 19 months to find cups that won’t dissolve when their coffee is poured into them.

Just hours after hosting the Billboard Music Awards, host Kelly Clarkson was flown from Las Vegas to Los Angeles for an emergency appendectomy. Clarkson said she felt extreme stomach pain all week, but figured it was from having to listen to Paula Abdul rehearse.

Online site Wallethub released their list of the ‘Best U.S. Airlines for Flying With Pets.’ They compiled the list by bringing dogs on 15 different carriers, and seeing which ones lived through the entire flight.

Two Australian men diagnosed with measles are confirmed to have visited a McDonald’s restaurant in Kooringal, New South Wales. Officials are warning those who visited the restaurant to see a doctor, and those who are planning to visit to avoid the McMeasles Value Meal.

An elderly Melbourne, Australia couple mistakenly received a package containing 20kg of methamphetamine, valued at over $7 million. They alerted authorities because they weren’t expecting a package, and because the elderly man broke his back lifting a 20kg box.

David Allen’s bestselling book ‘Getting Things Done’ has generated legions of devoted followers to his simple productivity rule: ‘if you can do it in under two minutes, do it now.’ Although critics say it has also created legions of chronic speedy masturbators.

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Google CEO Sundar Pichai testified before Congress regarding anti-conservative bias in search engine results. A Democratic congresswoman asked Pichai why an image search of the word “idiot” returned pictures of Trump. Pichai replied “because it works”.

British lawmakers will vote on whether to remove Prime Minister Theresa May over her handling of the United Kingdom’s’ exit from the European Union. Members will vote “Theresa May” or “Theresa May Not”.

Elizabeth Rowe, principal flutist for the Boston Symphony Orchestra, is suing for a pay raise because she makes $70,000 less than the principal oboist, who is male. The BSO defended the salaries, saying the oboe is a more difficult instrument to play, and that, frankly, they expected a woman playing the flute to look a lot sexier.

President Trump promised to shut down the government if he doesn’t receive $5 billion in funding for a wall on the U.S.-Mexico border. “I will take the mantle of shutting it down” he said — frustrating Democrats, but subtly impressing them with his correct use of the phrase ‘take the mantle’.

After Nick Ayers turned down an offer to be President Trump’s Chief of Staff, Trump blasted the ‘fake news’ for saying he’s having trouble filling the position. Trump then threatened to shut down the government unless they approved funding a game show for a C-list celebrity to win the job.

U.S. health officials named Fentanyl as the country’s deadliest drug based on overdoses recorded in 2016, surpassing Heroin, which was deadliest from 2012-2015. Cocaine was third, and Meth dropped to fourth. Meth responded by firing its head coach.

The U.S. Geological Survey recorded a magnitude 4.4 earthquake in parts of Tennessee and Georgia. Officials acknowledged the quake was likely stronger, but residents of Tennessee and Georgia wouldn’t really understand numbers higher than 4.

Gisele Bundchen was asked on Ellen Degeneres’ show if she wants her husband, Tom Brady, to retire. Bundchen said she wants Brady to do “whatever makes him happy”. So look for Brady to continue whining and deflating footballs.

Kathie Lee Gifford announced that she’s leaving The Today Show in April. Her spot is expected to be filled by former First Daughter Jenna Bush Hager, delighting NBC executives who were concerned about finding someone that stay-at-home moms kinda knew, that had no discernible talent.

Facebook headquarters were temporarily evacuated Tuesday evening after receiving a bomb threat.  Employees returned to their desks and spent a few extra minutes marking themselves ‘safe’.