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West Virginia’s Governor authorized a 5% pay raise for teachers, tentatively ending a statewide teacher’s strike. The head of West Virginia’s teachers union hailed it as a right goodly return to book learnin’.

Nashville’s Mayor Megan Barry resigned and plead guilty to felony theft of city funds used to pay overtime to the head of her security detail, with whom she was having an affair. “I took money from the city, but you took felony theft of my heart” she sang on an open mic stage surrounded with chicken wire as beer bottles cascaded from the crowd.

The Food and Drug Administration approved 23andMe’s in-home genetic test kit for breast cancer.  However, women are being warned of 36andMe, a scam run by high schoolers saying they’ll run the test for half price after you send them pictures of your breasts.

A Federal Trade Commission study said that millennials are more likely than senior citizens to fall for online scams. A different study said that most online scammers are frustrated because millennials don’t have any money, and senior citizens can’t open the scammers’ emails.

Usher and his wife are separating. Insiders say she asked if he gave herpes to that girl suing him, and he said “Yeah!”.

Actress Rita Moreno attended the 2018 Academy Awards in the same dress she wore in 1962 when she won an Oscar for her performance in West Side Story. She said the biggest surprise was finding a note in the pocket from then-10-year-old Harvey Weinstein telling her to come to his hotel room that night.

President Donald Trump’s top economic adviser Gary Cohn resigned on Wednesday, leaving Melania Trump panicked wondering how much credit she has left on her Neiman Marcus card.

A wild otter attacked a 77-year-old woman kayaking down a Florida river – sending her to the hospital for facial stitches and rabies treatment. Authorities say this is the latest in a series of otter-related Yakjackings.

An Australian woman found the oldest known message in a bottle, dating back nearly 132 years after it was thrown from the German sailing ship ‘Paula’. Historians translated the note, an angry complaint wondering what happened to the pizza they’d ordered via bottle-message several weeks earlier.

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady discussed the recent Super Bowl defeat on his Facebook show ‘Tom v. Time’, saying the loss was a chance to teach his three kids a valuable lesson about things not always turning out the way you want. He said he talked about it with them as they played Drop in the backyard.

 

 

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The Secret Service is warning of a new crime wave, “Jackpotting”, where thieves hack an ATM and empty it of cash. Since it takes several minutes, the crooks pose as ATM repairmen, or as your grandfather trying to do anything on an ATM.

Traffic to hospitals in the wake of this season’s flu outbreak is so overwhelming, that some are setting up beds in waiting rooms, putting an enormous strain on supplies of 4-year-old People magazines.

Actor Robert Wagner has been named a ‘person of interest’ in the 1981 drowning death of his then-wife Natalie Wood, as LAPD reopens this cold – and wet – case.

Nashville Mayor Megan Barry admitted to an extramarital affair with the former head of her security detail. Barry apologized to her husband, to the people of Nashville, and especially to everyone who had to hear the country song her ex-lover wrote about it.

Major League Baseball announced that all 30 teams will extend protective netting to the end of dugouts in order to prevent spectator injuries from flying foul balls. Ushers will also be authorized to provide helmets to vulnerable fans who black out drunk & bored.

President Trump bragged that tv ratings for his State of the Union address were the “highest.. in history”, a claim disproved by Nielsen ratings for speeches by Obama, Clinton and George W. Bush. Trump’s team fired back that Nielsen ratings don’t include the 2 million TVs at Trump Hotels and Mar-A-Lago that only show Fox News.

Democrats claim that a confidential memo critical of the FBI, authored by GOP Rep Devin Nunes, was significantly altered prior to being given to President Trump. Republicans said they needed to alter it to get it down to one page and to add a comics section to make sure the President read it.

Nintendo announced that Mario Kart is coming to mobile phones in 2019. Highway patrols are gearing up for a rash of accidents from distracted drivers swerving to avoid bananas.

Startup Edovo has secured several million dollars in funding for its product that provides tablet-based education to jailed prisoners. Early results are encouraging, with many prisoners learning how to read, write code, and stab someone to death with an iPad.

Google announced an upcoming change to Google Assistant, that won’t require users to say “Hey Google” before asking a question. Assistant-equipped products like Google Home will simply spring into action whenever someone says “goddamnit, why don’t you look it up yourself?”