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TSA agents at Philadelphia International Airport stopped a flight attendant from clearing security with a loaded handgun. Then they fired the gun to subdue an elderly woman attempting to pass security with 5 ounces of tea.

Philadelphia International Airport opened its first-ever gym – where area travelers waiting for their flight can hang their jackets and park their luggage.

Donald Trump’s personal secretary Molly Michael told investigators he routinely used classified documents as scrap paper to write her notes. Special Counsel Jack Smith found a draft of a nuclear treaty with Iran with “what color s your underware?” on it.

Following intense criticism from actors and writers, Drew Barrymore reversed her decision to restart The Drew Barrymore Show. In its place, executive producers have ordered a full season of Navage nasal irrigation system infomercials.

Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene criticized Senator John Fetterman for his choice of clothing during legislative sessions. Rep. Lauren Boebert offered to help him change his pants.

Walt Disney World was partially closed after a bear was sighted in a tree on park property. Wildlife officials were called in to capture and move the bear, but only after they were sure it wasn’t going to sing a song about bear necessities.

Elon Musk indicated he plans to charge all users a fee for X (formerly Twitter) – effectively turning millions of X users into Ex Users.

Phil Mickelson posted a thread on X detailing his addiction to gambling. Mickelson received many messages of support, including from Tiger Woods who offered his help getting Mickelson addicted to sex, instead.

Google announced a major expansion of its Bard artificial intelligence platform. Although, Bard artificial intelligence actually expanded itself but Google is too terrified to let anyone know it.

Scott Burke, a retired surgeon, was arrested after his yacht was seized amidst reports of parties with dozens of sex workers filming pornographic movies. Investigators also found 43 grams of cocaine and other party drugs. The boat, its contents and occupants will now be used by the Make A Wish Foundation.

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Toblerone must remove an image of the Matterhorn on packaging because production of the chocolate bar is moving from Switzerland to Slovakia. The Matterhorn image will be replaced by a mountain of rotted teeth.

CNN anchor Kasie Hunt delivered a baby girl in just 13 minutes of labor on her bathroom floor. She’ll have more news on this at the top of the hour after she cleans her bathroom.

NBA Memphis Grizzlies star Ja Morant is taking a leave from the team after flashing a handgun in an Instagram video, and amidst rumors he punched a teen in the face and brandished a weapon after a pickup basketball game last year. In other news, the Grizzlies introduced a new jersey-patch sponsor, Glock.

A man in Florida died from a rare brain-eating amoeba infection, possibly after rinsing his sinuses with tap water. Police found the murder weapon … Navage!!

French photographer Francois Prost published a new photo book ‘Gentleman’s Club‘, with pictures of the exteriors of 150 strip clubs across the U.S. He decided on exterior portraits after having both arms and all of his cameras broken taking photos inside.

Convicted murderer and paralympic sprinter Oscar Pistorius is up for parole in South Africa. The news has really put a spring in his step.

Donald Trump released a plan to build ten new “Freedom Cities” with ‘baby bonuses’ paid to residents to incentivize childbirth – with payments made roughly nine months after Trump visits.

The Department of Transportation rolled out a new online dashboard showing which airlines charge extra fees for families to sit together. It also shows carriers such as Spirit, Frontier & Southwest – which don’t charge fees, but make you fight for it.

A 41-year-old former teacher on OnlyFans gives “report cards” to her subscribers on their genitals and “Miss Sarah” stickers to the most loyal fans. The loyal fans were disappointed they’re not scented stickers.

A young Australian mother who was filmed as her 11-month-old inhaled her vape device has broken her silence, expressing regret. She did add that her child is now hanging out with the cool babies at day care.