By |

A new study concludes men are generally better than women at navigating & directions. Men would like to know why but refuse to ask.

A traveler at JFK Airport was arrested for smuggling cocaine in bags of jumbo shrimp. He chose the shrimp because it was easier than trying to hide the cocaine in cocktail sauce.

A man was arrested for attempting to break in to Taylor Swift’s New York City townhouse. He was carrying burglar tools and a Kansas City Chiefs schedule.

A Florida grandmother was arrested in mid-December for her role in a murder-for-hire of her ex son-in-law. She’s charged with murder, and her grandkids assume at this point they aren’t getting those Christmas checks.

Ron DeSantis withdrew from seeking the GOP Presidential nomination. He said he was unsure of his future plans, before being reminded that he’s still Governor of Florida.

A top dentist revealed the real problems with Kanye West’s new titanium teeth – a high risk of gum infections, and setting off the alarm at airport security.

Plastic surgeon Dr. Terry Dubrow of E! Network’s ‘Botched‘ said he quit using Ozempic because it took away the “joy of eating” – leaving him with nothing but the joy of fixing several women’s boobs every day.

A large sinkhole opened up in Delran, New Jersey, measuring 25 x 25 feet wide and 15 feet deep. Roads will be closed until local crime bosses fill it with snitches.

Former Vice President Al Gore turned 75, and will leave Apple’s Board of Directors because of the company’s age-based restrictions. At 75, he’s now too old to be on the Board, and 60-65 years too old to build iPhones.

A United Airlines flight from Edinburgh, Scotland to Newark, New Jersey was cancelled because the pilot was arrested for having a taser in his carry-on bag. The pilot said he only planned to use the taser if someone tried to steal his vodka.

By |

A portion of Interstate 95 in Philadelphia collapsed after a tanker truck caught fire beneath an overpass – creating a huge inconvenience for the 160,000 daily drivers and 500 daily carjackers who use the route.

Scientists are putting radio-trackable ‘pants’ on poison frogs in the tropical rainforest of French Guyana to understand their movements. They tried putting dresses on females, but after trying on a dozen each, the frogs couldn’t agree on one they liked.

A black bear was spotted walking out of the ocean on to a crowded beach in Destin, Florida. At first he was running, but the lifeguard blew their whistle and told him to slow down.

Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi died at age 86. He will lie in state with an open casket so Italians can stop by to deposit their farewell bribe.

A plus-size influencer is asking U.S. airlines to define a uniform policy for ‘customers of size’, since many travelers can’t fit in a single coach seat. Airlines are divided, with many asking that large travelers buy an extra seat, while Spirit & Frontier offer Cargo Class tickets.

The Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski, was found dead in his prison cell. He now begins serving the second of his four life sentences.

Starting next year, New York City will begin charging a toll for cars to drive in the congested areas of lower Manhattan below 60th St. Newark, New Jersey is also considering a toll, for drivers desperately trying to get out of the city.

Track athlete Chelsea Mitchell, once described as “fastest girl in Connecticut”, is suing the state because she claims losing races to transgender women caused her to lose scholarship offers. Meanwhile, another “fastest girl in Connecticut” is suing the family of a high school quarterback for child support.

A new startup, Varda Space, is attempting to use microgravity in outer space labs to create unique drugs before returning them to Earth for distribution. Varda Space was renamed after venture capital investors disapproved of their first choice, Astro Meth.

Kanye West celebrated his 46th birthday with a party featuring ‘nyotaimori’ – sushi and sashimi served on the bodies of nude women. Several female sushi platters were injured by guests who used forks instead of chopsticks.

By |

Boston & Tel Aviv-based startup company ClimaCell is using new, crowdsourced data collection methods to improve local weather forecasts. However, they will still need the more-accurate local weather to be communicated by women with huge breasts.

A dead whale washed ashore in the Philippines with almost 100 pounds of plastic in its stomach – or, put a different way, the wetsuits of four different scuba divers it ate.

President Trump tweeted that he thinks Saturday Night Live is colluding with the Democrats and Russia after watching a rerun featuring a skit making fun of him. SNL returns with a live episode hosted by Joe Biden with musical guest Pussy Riot.

Reality TV star Mama June Shannon – mother of Honey Boo Boo – was arrested at an Alabama gas station while allegedly possessing crack cocaine. Shannon, who lost over 100 pounds after gastric sleeve surgery, was carrying a lot less crack than she used to.

A new startup called Basement is creating a social media app where your network is  limited to 20 of your closest friends, or the 20 people you’d most like to have send you their naked selfies.

Amy Schumer revealed that her husband Chris Fischer is on the autism spectrum. She made the discovery when he told her that he had to watch The Leather Special an even number of times.

Longtime Democratic Party strategist Donna Brazile joined Fox News as a contributor, where she’s expected to never be seen or heard from again.

A study in journal Frontiers in Microbiology found that the longer astronauts stay in space, the more likely viruses like chickenpox, shingles & herpes will reactivate. The reason may be increased levels of stress and red-hot unprotected space sex.

A petrochemical fire near Houston continued for a third day, covering the city in thick smoke and a putrid stench. To learn how to cope with the disgusting conditions, Houston has called in a team of people living in Newark, New Jersey.

A British politician is urging McDonald’s in the United Kingdom to end its Monopoly promotion, claiming it manipulates people into eating more fast food. Tom Watson, Deputy leader of the Labour Party, was elected with the slogan “I get how things work.”