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81-year-old Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has been ordered to take a paternity test to determine if he fathered a child with a 27-year-old woman. If he is determined to be the father, Jones becomes eligible for NFL Comeback Playa’ of the Year.

The Philadelphia Phillies ended their popular Dollar Dog Nights, after fans used the cheap dogs to start food fights. They’re replacing it with BOGO Dog Night, so fans can buy two hot dogs, eat one, and throw the second one at Mets fans.

ChatGPT is being used by job seekers to generate questions for mock job interviews. However, ChatGPT is frustrating some candidates by skipping the questions and telling them “don’t bother, I already got the job”.

Los Angeles Dodgers superstar Shohei Ohtani surprised the team by announcing he got married. Ohtani underwent elbow surgery and won’t pitch this season, but is still happy to have an everyday catcher.

A new supplement called ‘LeapYears’ reverses age-related physical & cognitive decline in dogs. A study compared a small group of older dogs who took the supplement, to hundreds of other dogs who found the pill in the rolled-up ham and spit it out.

Holsten’s ice cream parlor in New Jersey is selling the booth used by Tony Soprano’s family in ‘The Sopranos’ final scene. Bidding currently tops $30,000, and the hgh bidder’s payment can be made behind the building with cash stuffed into a sealed yellow envelope.

Heritage Store brand hydrogen peroxide mouthwash is being recalled for a lack of child-safe packaging. Parents are urged to call 911 if they find their toddler passed out with really fresh-smelling breath.

A Texas woman shared via Instagram the one question she asks hiring managers that she claims results in job offers “100% of the time” after the interview: ‘what does excellence look like in this role?’. Of course, the managers reply “really clean toilets”.

Wildlife journal Marine Mammal Science published never-before-seen photos of two male humpback whales having sex. And less provocative photos taken at the same time of their wives dropping their calves off at day care.

A dermatologist is recommending diaper rash cream to hydrate the face. But to still apply your baby’s diaper rash cream with your hands, not your face.

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Alex Smith, the NFL Comeback Player of the Year in 2020, is expected to be waived by the Washington Football Team, making him eligible for 2021 Cutback Player of the Year.

Health experts seeking inclusivity for transgender and non-binary parents are using the term “chest milk” instead of “breast milk”. “Whatever, we’re starving here” said babies.

Two women were injured when their car became airborne and wedged between two New Jersey Turnpike tollbooths at Exit 14C in Jersey City. First responders believe the driver was attempting to use the Difficult Pass lane. [Story h/t to John L.!]

Mitt Romney was knocked unconscious and received stitches after taking a fall in Boston over the weekend. Donald Trump then put his Mitt Romney voodoo doll back in the drawer.

NASA’s Mars Perseverance rover uses the same computer processor as an iMac computer manufactured in 1998 – which explains its email address RoverDude98@aol.com.

Dental x-ray scanners were used to read a handwritten letter from the year 1697 without opening it, which begins “Dearest Penthouse Forum, you shant not believe what happened…”

Researchers at the Technion Israel Institute of Technology created a black hole in their lab, which has been great for advancing science, but not so great considering how many workers lost the coffee and lunches they set on it.

A woman in Japan reportedly died after receiving the COVID-19 vaccine. A cause of death has not been established, but they suspect it’s the speeding bus that hit her.

Dr. Seuss’ estate says six of his books will stop being published because of racist and insensitive imagery, including ‘Horton Hears All Lives Matter’ and ‘Oh, The Neighborhoods You’ll Never Go’.

The owner of a cockfighting rooster in India died when the blade attached to the bird’s foot severed his artery. The cocks were asked to observe a moment of silence, but didn’t know how.