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Colin Cantwell, designer of Star Wars’ Death Star, passed away at age 90. More bad news, he asked to have his ashes spread on his home planet of Alderaan.

Noah Thompson won Season 20 of American Idol. He received congratulatory messages from 19 previous winners, 2 of which he’d actually heard of.

Florida confirmed its first case of Monkeypox, but it was quickly eradicated by several local strains of herpes.

The last public pay phones in New York City were removed, leaving locals confused about who they should call for a good time.

The City of Philadelphia will spend $13 million to dredge the Schuylkill River, reuniting hundreds of local families with their grandparents.

San Francisco Mayor London Breed will boycott the city’s Pride Parade, opposing a ban on city police participating in the parade in uniform. Worse, the ban also means all of the Village People can’t be in it either.

Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band announced a 2023 World Tour – the first ever where a majority of ticket sales are purchased by withdrawals from 401[k]s.

Princeton University fired Classics professor Joshua Katz for failing to disclose a sexual relationship with a student 15 years ago. Katz defended his actions, saying he did fully detail the relationship in a 2007 issue of Dear Penthouse Forum: Classics.

Three Americans at a Sandals resort in the Bahamas died of carbon monoxide poisoning, according to a Bahamas medical examiner – contradicting the findings of Sandals house doctor, who had ruled they’d passed of a fun overdose.

The auction of a dress worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard Of Oz was blocked by a judge, because of a dispute over its current ownership. A woman claims the dress was owned by her late uncle, who died in 1986. She wasn’t going to sue, but then realized the courage she needed was in her all along.

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Facebook and Instagram are adding dashboards to help track time spent on social media. “Wow, four hours a day is a lot of bullying!” said a cyberbully.

A survey from personal finance website Finder.com found that gin drinkers are the biggest “drunk shoppers” on Amazon. They were also the biggest “drunk shoppers” at brick & mortar stores before racking up so many DUIs.

Thieves stole two of Sweden’s crown jewels in a daring daylight heist in Stockholm. The criminals escaped in a speedboat and are still at large, despite Sweden putting all six of its cops on the case.

All 103 persons aboard an Aeromexico flight that crashed on Wednesday morning survived. Air travel experts weighed in on how everyone lived, saying that ‘tequila keeps everybody pretty relaxed.’

A man unknowingly rescued old books from a dumpster that had once belonged to Thomas Jefferson. Some were volumes by French theologian Pierre Charron – most were compilations of letters to 1800s Penthouse Forum about sex with black women.

A flight attendants union is petitioning the Department of Transportation to regulate the temperature aboard commercial aircraft. With the rise of sexually aggressive behavior on planes, the flight attendants are trying to eliminate any reason for weirdos to remove their shirts and pants.

Charlie Sheen is asking a judge to modify his child support, saying that he’s been unable to find steady work, and is in a “dire financial crisis” with less than $10 million in assets. Sheen is requesting that he be allowed to pay child support with cocaine.

The winners were announced in the New York State Craft Beer Competition. The big winner was Threes Brewing from Brooklyn, which took two medals; the big loser was Genesee, which took several judges’ livers.

Ivanka Trump shared an opinion that diverged from her father’s, saying she doesn’t think the media is the ‘enemy of the people’. She added that she thinks media is “hilarious” and “Boo! A Media Halloween” is her favorite Tyler Perry movie.

Thanks to a new law, catcallers in Paris face $870 on-the-spot fines for verbal sexual harassment. Police have yet to collect any money, though, since the male undercover cops they’ve been using to stroll past construction sites aren’t that hot.

Madonna said that Donald Trump’s presidency led her to move her family to Portugal – just in case anyone is struggling to find a positive outcome of the Trump presidency.