A self-described transgender vampire was convicted in Wisconsin of sexual assault. Sentencing is scheduled next month for Countess Dracula.

Donald Trump’s social media platform Truth Social will start a streaming tv channel. They’ll air Trump rallies and felony trials in between JAG & NCIS reruns.

A former prosecutor told CNN he worries about the safety of jurors in Trump’s NYC hush money felony trial – especially since they’ll be sequestered at Trump’s Bedminister, New Jersey hotel & golf club.

Drug maker Eli Lilly claims their weight loss drug Zepbound also reduces sleep apnea – mostly because people lose enough belly fat that they can finally sleep face down if they want.

Hollywood producer Carol Baum said she “doesn’t get” it-girl actress Sydney Sweeney, saying she’s “not pretty” and “can’t act”. ….. “Yeah, we don’t care” said male Hollywood producers.

Phoenix, Arizona is holding a tree planting drive, as average temperatures approach 100 degrees. Organizers say they expect shade from the trees to pay off after everyone planting them has been dead for twenty years.

A snake slithering through a passenger car on one of Japan’s bullet trains caused a 17-minute stoppage in the trip from Tokyo to Osaka. The snake was captured and returned to the kitchen so chefs could continue making lunch for the dining car.

The Department of Justice is considering anti-trust action against Ticketmaster/Live Nation for excessive fees and controlling a massive share of the ticketing market. Ticketmaster has already listed seats at the trial for $500 each plus $75 in fees.

Crystal Kung Minkoff announced she’s leaving Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, where she was the Bravo series first Asian American cast member. She’s considering joining the cast of Real Housewives of Oklahoma, where she’d be the first Asian to ever live there.

Salvatore ‘Sal the Shoemaker’ Rubino of Sal’s Shoe Repair on Long Island was charged with running an illegal gambling operation out of the shop. Investigators recorded Rubino hitting a customer with a baseball bat over failing to pay $20,000 for new soles on his loafers.

Masterpiece Cakeshop was fined $500 for refusing to make a birthday cake – blue on the outside, pink inside – for transgender woman Autumn Scardina. Scardina then tried to trick the baker by saying it was for a gender reveal party for a 30-year-old. [Story h/t to J.O.!]

Tori Spelling told an interviewer she no longer sleeps in the same bed as her husband Dean McDermott, that she sleeps with her kids and her dog. In other news, Tori Spelling’s dog filed for divorce.

Donald Trump said windmills “kill everything” in a recent interview with Fox News Sean Hannity. “Damn right” said the families of birds who died tragically.

Iranians are voting in their Presidential election. “Ayatollah who’s gonna win” said an Iranian pollster.

The Supreme Court ruled in favor of a Catholic services agency who refused to let gay couples provide homes to foster children. The agency expressed gratitude at the ruling and their continued ability to allow only hetero couples to abuse children.

Daredevil Alex Harvill died while warming up to break the world record for longest motorcycle jump. The coroner said he’ll perform an autopsy once he stops skidding.

Baseball’s Arizona Diamondbacks lost their 22nd consecutive road game. They’re so cold, fans can’t wait for them to return to 118-degree Phoenix.

Golfer Phil Mickelson was visibly upset by a ringing cell phone while playing the 13th hole at the U.S. Open. He demanded the phone be put on silent, but his caddie said it was the fourth time Phil’s wife called to ask when he’s getting home.

Billie Eilish is under fire for allegedly mocking Asians in videos she made in her early teens, when she was known as Beery Irish.

Haiti’s mens soccer team missed out on a chance to qualify for the 2022 World Cup, when goalie Josue Duverger mishandled a defender’s pass for an own goal, and they lost 1-0. Duverger will never be able to silence the haiters.