By |

Hospitals are gouging families by charging extra for routine childbirth by classifying them as “emergencies”. The families are challenging the bills, saying the newborns should be classified as “accidents”.

Delphi, an artifcial intelligence built to answer ethical questions, is being exposed as racist. Asked to describe ‘a white man walking toward you at night’, Delphi replied “it’s okay”, but said “it’s concerning” when describing a black man approaching. Delphi also wanted to know “what is walking?”

Democrats unveiled a new plan to tax billionaires to pay for a massive infrastructure spending bill. For instance, every time Jeff Bezos drives over the Golden Gate Bridge, it costs $75 million dollars.

Pfizer’s COVID-19 vaccine was authorized by the FDA for use on children ages 5 through 11. Democrats unveiled a new multi-billion-dollar spending plan to bribe children to get the vaccine with ice cream and video games.

Google releases their new Pixel 6 phones this week, much to the dismay of wives & girlfriends wishing their cheapskate husbands & boyfriends would just get an iPhone.

A toilet tube broke on Space X’s Crew Dragon civilian flight, spraying urine. Donald Trump asked how soon he and several female Russian cosmonauts could book a trip.

Excessive drinking during the pandemic is leading to a surge in liver transplants. Fortunately, excessive drinking & driving during the pandemic is keeping up the supply of available livers.

The Cleveland Clinic is testing a new breast cancer vaccine. However, they caution women to ignore emails requesting pictures of their breasts to see if they qualify.

The CDC added ‘mood disorders’ to the list of high-risk conditions for COVID-19. Women in marriages over 10 years should seek booster shots because they’re rarely in the mood.

A brawl erupted at a dog show for ‘bully breeds’ , with multiple men & women engaged in fistfights and chair throwing. The melee delayed the start of the show, which featured pit bulls dodging chairs & punches to maul men & women.

By |

Ivanka Trump and IBM CEO Ginni Rometty visited Norwalk Early College Academy in Connecticut, a school that awards both a high school diploma and an associate’s degree in software engineering. Trump questioned the students, asking if any knew how to completely wipe emails off of a hard drive permanently.

Wormtown Brewery in Worcester, Massachusetts is rolling out DD Roasted Brew, a stout made using Dunkin Donuts Roast Coffee Beans.  Brewers recommend each pint be consumed with six packets of Splenda and extra cream.

A 29-year-old teacher at a Christian high school is charged with rape after allegedly having sex with a 15-year-old student. Her employer, Logos Christian Academy has not commented, except to say that they’ve cancelled the couple’s appearance as Mary & Joseph in the school Nativity Play.

Authorities in Virginia said that the two pit bulls who mauled their owner – a 22-year-old woman – to death were ‘a little bit neglected’… and ‘more than a little bit hungry’.

“Whatever” was named Americans’ least-favorite word for the seventh year in a row, according to an annual survey. Said the survey’s spokesperson: “It is what it is.”

E! News announced the resignation of longtime on-air host Catt Sadler. In a blog post, Sadler said she resigned because of salary inequity with a male host, who was being paid twice as much to ask “who are you wearing?”.

President Trump will soon sign a new tax reform bill, the most sweeping change to the U.S. tax code in decades. The law will cut corporate taxes from 35% to 21% and the highest individual bracket from 39% to 37%. Perhaps most importantly, it extends the audit of all of Trump’s tax returns for as long as he’s in office.

Chloe Kohanski won Season 13 of ‘The Voice’. She wins $100,000, a recording contract with Universal Music Group, and joins such past show champions-slash-household names as ….

McDonald’s will begin selling a McVegan burger in Europe, accompanied by a massive ad campaign touting “The taste will make you Grimace.”

  • The burger will also be offered to children as part of McDonald’s Europe-only ‘Ennui Meal’.

Cardinal Bernard Law died. Cardinal Law, who hid pedophile priests in the Boston diocese for decades, will still receive a full Vatican funeral. However, he will be buried wearing swim trunks beneath his robes in an effort to stay cool where he’s going.

By |

A Texas woman, accused of sending explosives to Barack Obama and Texas Governor Greg Abbott, was apprehended by federal authorities. Investigators matched a cat hair found under the shipping label on one of the packages to the woman’s cat – who has entered the Witness Protection Program at an undisclosed retirement community.

Researchers at Penn State University write that the common housefly is more disgusting than originally thought, acting as an “airborne shuttle for disease”. Penn State was immediately sued by American Airlines, who trademarked the phrase “airborne shuttle for disease.”

Boulder, Colorado was named the Happiest City in America. Respondents cited the wide availability of recreational marijuana and…that’s about it.

A hunter in Sherman, New York shot and killed a woman after mistaking her for a deer. “That’s no dear, that was my wife!” said her cut-up widowed husband.

Four pit bulls attacked a man behind a Philadelphia home on Thanksgiving night, and the man died later at a hospital. However, local news reported that the dog bites were not the cause of death, leading to speculation that the man had complained to the dogs about illness from the Thanksgiving dinner they made for him.

Arizona State University rescinded a journalistic excellence award it presented to Charlie Rose in 2015. However, since Rose walked naked in front of women and repeatedly made lewd overtures to them, he’s been named the Honorary Chairman of every Arizona State fraternity.

Macy’s credit card processors stopped working for an extended period on Black Friday. “Credit card processors” are what Macy’s calls the angry men & women working the checkout.

President Trump tweeted that he was approached by Time Magazine to be their 2017 Person of the Year, but that he turned it down because it would require a lengthy interview and photo shoot. Time writers & photographers are reportedly bummed out because now they have to go all the way to North Korea.

A Dartmouth University study reveals that people who shop at warehouse clubs like Costco, Sam’s and BJ’s eat 11% more fat and 5% more sugar than those who don’t shop at clubs. Club members were shocked by the information and assumed they were getting at least 20% more fat and 10% more sugar by buying in bulk.

Apple is facing new accusations that its iPhone X is being manufactured by Chinese high school students who work 11-hour days to meet a mandatory “work experience” requirement to graduate. Apple CEO Tim Cook, speaking at a high school graduation, told students “this isn’t the end of your iPhone X assembly career, it’s the beginning of your iPad assembly career.”

A burned body was found on top of a SEPTA Regional Rail car in downtown Philadelphia. Riders of the train reported that it still smelled better than most of the passengers.