By |

Skytrax, an airline review group, named Qatar Airways the World’s Best Airline, and Delta Air Lines the Best North American Airline. American Airlines and Frontier received special recognition for Most Creative Use Of Duct Tape.

A Florida woman was arrested after being found nude and “pleasuring herself” in the back seat of a Jeep at an auto dealership. “I’ll take it!” said a customer following his overnight test drive.

Homeland Security chief Alejandro Mayorkas said that 1 in 5 illegal immigrants of the thousands gathered at the Del Rio, Texas border are now ill – a mix of COVID-19, and complications from food donated by local Taco Bell restaurants.

The Philadelphia Flower Show, which was held outdoors in 2021 for the first time due to the pandemic, will be held outdoors again in mid-June, 2022. This year’s theme will be Resuscitating Senior Citizens Experiencing Heat Stroke.

R. Kelly was convicted on all counts of racketeering and sex trafficking. He awaits sentencing and is much less convinced in his belief that he can fly.

French President Emanuel Macron was struck by an egg thrown at him while he attended a food fair. Macron is fine, and happy that the egg was used for something original and not put on a hamburger.

Alexandra Souveneva, 30, is charged with starting one of the large California wildfires, the Fawn Fire. Souveneva was reportedly “hiking to Canada” and started the fire to boil water. Souveneva’s attorney said she’s not good at judging distances or cooking.

Former UFC champion Ronda Rousey welcomed a daughter, her first child with husband Travis Browne. Rousey shared an Instagram snap of the child breastfeeding, then she switched to her right breast because her left had tapped out.

The parents of Brian Laundrie – wanted in the murder of Gabby Petito – called the cops when Dog The Bounty Hunter showed up on their lawn. The Laundries told police they’ve had stray dogs on their property, but that this one is the mangiest.

A Chinese man died of liver failure after he chugged 1.5 liters of Coca-Cola in 10 minutes. In addition to liver trauma, an autopsy revealed his throat suffered severe burns from the minute-long belch before he died.

By |

Scientists at the California-based SLAC Digital Accelerator Lab have taken the world’s first 3,200-megapixel digital photos. Although roughly 2,000 of the megapixels are of a scientist’s index finger.

Donald Trump cast his early ballot in Florida, telling assembled reporters he voted “for a guy named Trump”. Adding “..no, not you, Eric”.

A second government-issued stimulus check may arrive in five waves. Which is why your mailman only financed his new Lexus for six months.

Folk singer Arlo Guthrie said he’s retiring from singing due to health setbacks – surprising fans who just assumed he’d already retired.

Model Ireland Baldwin – daughter of Alec – posted a topless photo with “I Voted” stickers covering her nipples. Republicans accused her of voting twice.

Cell phone video recorded a New York City police car broadcasting “Trump 2020” over its loudspeaker. Police officials ultimately suspended Officer Rudy.

A newborn baby was found in the lavatory of a Qatar Airways jet, and female passengers were appalled at being taken off the flight before departure to see if they’d just given birth. They wondered why they didn’t just examine women who asked for seat belt extenders.

Home Depot is starting its Black Friday sale three weeks early – givingkAmerican men three extra weeks to get terrible Christmas presents for their wives and girlfriends.

A house cat in Palm Harbor, Florida caught a two-headed racer snake in the wild and brought it home. The Florida Fish & Wildlife Institute is caring for the snake, while the cat patiently waits to visit the snake and bite both of the heads off.

NASA scheduled a press conference to announce “exciting new findings about the Moon” – which turned out to be an astronaut dropping his pants with “Gotcha” written on his buttocks.

By |

New research in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology concludes that sexual activity rarely triggers sudden cardiac arrest. However, the odds of a sex-induced heart attack are 10 times higher in men than women. leading to a huge sigh of relief among overweight lesbians.

Target and CVS are now selling facial creams from South Korean brand Peach and Lily that include snail slime. Suppliers are having trouble keeping up with demand, because snails have a notoriously hard time getting in the mood.

A Qatar Airways jet was forced to make an unscheduled stop after a woman searching her husband’s phone midflight discovered he was having an affair and caused a huge commotion.  Qatar Airways said that the husband should have been stoned to death, so the jet landed because there weren’t enough rocks on board.

Fiat Chrysler Automobiles is now shipping the 840 horsepower Dodge Challenger SRT Demon to dealers. The street-legal dragster goes from 0 to 60 mph in 2.3 seconds and reaches 140mph in the quarter-mile. It ships with a range of accessories, including a glove compartment urn for placing the driver’s ashes after they’re scraped up.

Wonder Woman actress Gal Gadot says she will no longer play the superhero in a planned sequel if producer Brett Ratner – accused of sexual harassment – remains attached to it. As backup, 70s TV Wonder Woman Lynda Carter is being fitted with custom $30,000 bustiers made of star-spangled Spanx.

An Oklahoma woman who married her biological mother after the two ‘hit it off’ was charged with incest, in a case officials are calling The Oklahoma Family Reunion.

Syndicated gossip columnist Liz Smith is dead at age 94, according to an unnamed source.

Panera Bread is acquiring Au Bon Pain, seeking to double market share among people who like to spend a little extra to be disappointed in their lunch.

Andrew Kreisberg, executive producer of CW Network series Supergirl, The Flash, and Arrow, has been suspended while CW investigates claims of sexual harassment. Kreisberg’s attorney says his client looks forward to a speedy resolution by the Justice League.

A Dartmouth College researcher captured what is believed to be the first known footage of a crab hunting and killing a live seabird with its claws. The crab was just trying to enjoy a relaxing day at the beach with its family.