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Applebee’s sold out of ‘Date Night Passes’ – cards offering $30 discounts on meals for two years – in less than a minute. Coincidentally, men who got the passes say their dates last less than a minute when women hear they’re going to Applebee’s.

An American Airlines passenger was kicked off a flight before departure for farting too much and bragging about the smell. American said they had no choice because passengers in adjacent rows paid for upgrades to Fartless Economy Plus.

Actor Ryan Gosling shared a social media post critical of Oscars voters denying nominations for ‘Barbie‘ co-star Margot Robbie and director Greta Gerwig. Toy maker Mattel said it was the first time ever that Ken had real balls.

8-year-old Ella Piazza, a little girl who was lifted up by Jason Kelce so she could show a sign and wave to Taylor Swift at a Buffalo Bills game, was contacted by The Today Show for an appearance. She was also contacted by Ticketmaster to pay $75 in fees for seeing Taylor Swift.

A frozen alligator was still alive while fully submerged under ice of a frozen pond in Texas. Wildlife experts said the gator was merely hibernating and should be left alone, after a good samaritan was hospitalized after attempting to give it CPR.

Alaska Airlines & United Airlines found many loose bolts on grounded Boeing 737 Max 9 jets, and are reconsidering future purchases of Boeing aircraft. Boeing’s CEO responded, promising every new 737 Max jet will come with a free monkey wrench.

A new study finds seagulls are shifting their habitats to urban environments. The birds now realize french fries are more plentiful inland, and it’s easier to shit on people at swimming pools versus the beach.

A new study from China finds life expectancy is longer for people drinking three daily cups of tea – a price that’s not too steep.

Lawmakers are asking the FDA to raise restrictions on tianeptine – a dangerous non-prescription antidepressant known as ‘gas station heroin’. It’s called that because of its opioid-like effects, and because it’s free with a fill-up at participating Exxon locations in the deep South.

A man in India dressed in women’s clothing and wore makeup to masquerade as his girlfriend so she could pass a healthcare career exam. They almost got away with it, but he was standing up while giving a sample for an accompanying drug test.

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Researchers created a male birth control pill that stops sperm from swimming for an hour after being taken – or, about 20 times more effective than it has to be.

Kia & Hyundai dealers are offering free software updates for over a million cars to repair a vulnerability where they can be started using a USB port. Thieves who intended to steal updated cars while parked will be offered free carjacking lessons.

The operator of a basketball free-throw game on the Jersey Shore boardwalk was banned 10 years for rigging the games by overinflating the balls. Additionally they were fined 20,000 stuffed animals.

As inflation drives the national average price of a dozen Grade A large eggs to $4.79, a Walmart deal offering 18 eggs for $2 went viral. Walmart verified that the deal is genuine, and even offered journalists a tour of the seagull hatchery.

A new study links sleeping pill use with an increased risk of dementia. Or maybe it was a different pill, the study participants aren’t really sure.

John Travolta vowed never to be with another woman following the death of wife Kelly Preston – which pretty much confirms all the rumors.

Florida wildlife researchers tracked and killed an invasive Burmese python, a 66-pound female carrying 100 eggs. The researchers were then arrested for violating the state’s abortion laws.

Legendary actress and sex symbol Raquel Welch passed away at age 82. She will be laid to rest in a specially-designed 36DD casket.

Kendall Jenner was accused of Photoshopping her latest bikini photos because of the unusual appearance of her hands. Jenner denied the claims, saying she doesn’t know how to use a computer or smartphone.

Former NFL head coach and ESPN Sunday NFL Countdown panelist Rex Ryan is a candidate for the Denver Broncos defensive coordinator job. He reportedly interviewed with Broncos head coach Sean Payton, until Payton begged him to shut up.