Paris Hilton & Carter Reum announced the name of their baby boy is Phoenix Barron Hilton Reum. She added now that the Super Bowl is over, you, too, can get a Phoenix Hilton Reum for $249/night.

Tiffany Miles, 36, was arrested after her American Airlines flight was diverted because she pounded on the cockpit door demanding a drink. “Sit down and buy your own!” replied the pilot and co-pilot as they split a handle of vodka.

Donald Trump visited the site of the train wreck in East Palestine, Ohio wearing a ‘Make America Great Again’ hat – because the loss of thousands of gallons of toxic chemicals prevented him from styling his hair.

Trump visited East Palestine because seeing such a huge train wreck brought back fond memories of January 6th.

Trump ended his visit to East Palestine with a trip to McDonald’s to buy meals for responders and residents – though most turned him down, saying they were already sick.

President Joe Biden also plans to visit East Palestine, and said he’d provide the region with $500 million in missiles and tanks.

A wedding planner shared a story on her podcast alleging that, prior to a ceremony she’d planned, the bride-to-be walked in on her husband-to-be being breastfed by his mother. No word on if the wedding happened, only that the bride was happy she missed the diaper change.

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz said “things have gone sour” for young people. He still opposes worker unions, but is willing to do whatever else he can to ensure younger customers can afford $10 coffee drinks.

Harvey Weinstein, already serving a 23-year sentence for sexual assault in New York, is expected to receive another stiff sentence for his recent conviction in California. Weinstein’s attorney said he’s expecting another 20+ years, but Harvey probably can’t deliver on the stiff part anymore.

A four-foot alligator pulled from a lake in Brooklyn was found to have swallowed a four-inch wide bathtub stopper, and is being nursed back to health at the Bronx Zoo. When veterinarians removed the stopper, four small dogs came spinning out.

An Air Force A-10C Warthog “unintentionally released” a rocket in the Arizona desert between Phoenix and Tucson. Multiple displaced jackrabbit families applied to FEMA for disaster relief.

Severe lung illnesses in e*cigarette users may be tied to an ingredient in cannabis-containing vape products, according to nurses working the medical tent at Phish shows.

Tom Brady expressed his support for USWNT soccer star Carli Lloyd becoming a kicker in the NFL, adding that he’d show her how to make the balls easier to kick by letting a little air out of them.

Kanye West purchased Wyoming’s Monster Lake Ranch for $14 million. Wyoming had been considered one of the few remaining safe spaces from Kanye’s music.

An American Airlines mechanic allegedly sabotaged a jet carrying 150 passengers so he could collect overtime fixing his own damage. He’ll be tried separately from the catering service who sabotaged the passengers’ stomachs when they bought food on board.

A 74-year-old Indian woman now holds the record for “world’s oldest mom” after giving birth to twins following in-vitro fertilization. The twins also broke a record, becoming the youngest humans to speak a complete sentence saying “get me out of there.”

Retired NFL star Marshawn Lynch said if he were NFL Commissioner, he’d legalize marijuana for players. And cheerleaders. And fans. And pretty much everyone.

Kylie Jenner told Ellen Degeneres that her sisters “tease her” about being a billionaire, and about having to learn serious math to know, like, how much a billion is.

Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz announced he will no longer run for U.S. President, saying he suffered a back injury that required three surgeries, caused by carrying his money around.

Facebook officially launched Facebook Dating – its long-awaited companion product to Facebook Cheating.

Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, officially debuted new blond highlights on her kids’ first day of school. The world is now ready to learn goofy new British slang terms for blond hair.