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A Texas man reclaimed his Guinness World Record by going skydiving at 106 years, 327 days old. He was awarded records for oldest skydiver, and oldest person to shit their pants in midair.

Actor Jaleel White, famous as nerd Steve Urkel on 90s sitcom ‘Family Matters’, got married in Los Angeles, before a live audience .. who were required to stick around for the wedding of another unemployed actor from 90s sitcom ‘Step By Step’.

Justin and Hailey Bieber announced they’re having a baby. Drake and Kendrick Lamar traded diss tracks arguing about what they should name it.

Actor Michael Douglas believes intimacy coordinators – who oversee sex scenes on film & tv productions – aren’t necessary, and that male actors should “take responsibility” during filming. Douglas is 79 years old and his sex scenes require a CPR coordinator.

A Virginia school board voted to restore Confederate names honoring Generals Stonewall Jackson and Turner Ashby to a high school and elementary school after those names were banned years ago. The name change could cost six figures, but the school board is hoping to find slaves to do the work for free.

The Senate passed a reauthorization bill for the Federal Aviation Administration, approving billions for airline safety, including money to paint warning labels on the side of every Boeing passenger aircraft.

The new NHL team in Salt Lake City, Utah revealed a list of 20 names under consideration following their relocation from Arizona. Although Polygamists, Teen Grooms and Cult Leaders probably won’t make the final cut.

NBA Dallas Mavericks Luka Doncic’s postgame press conference was interrupted by ‘sex noises’ coming from someone’s phone. Doncic laughed it off, adding that most NBA players don’t hear sex noises until at least 10 minutes after they’ve showered.

MIT researchers created a hair-thin curtain made of electrified silk capable of blocking noise transmission in a large room. Then they hung the curtain so they could have sex in the lab without the scientists on the other side hearing it.

A motorized Radio Flyer red wagon the size of an SUV is being put up for auction. It’s described as 100% street legal, unless you’re a toddler driving it under the influence of too many Capri Suns.

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Heat in Canada’s western provinces was so extreme, that mussels, clams and other shellfish were cooked alive on shore. Seals were given pagers to let them know when it was their turn to eat.

Statues of Confederate generals, including Robert E. Lee, were removed from Charlottesville, Virginia. They’ll be replaced with statues of other famous second-place finishers.

Recorded temperature at the Furnace Creek Visitor Center in California’s Death Valley National Park reached 130 degrees. Bears stopped in to the lodge to cool off before mauling exhausted hikers for a hot meal.

Passengers on an American Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Miami were ordered to place their hands on their heads for the final hour of the flight due to a reported threat. A screaming passenger was arrested, and dozens of others were treated for spilling Diet Coke into their hair & eyes.

Robert O’Neill, the Navy Seal widely credited with shooting Osama Bin Laden in the face, is seeking investors for his Armed Forces Beer Company. The beer, unlike Bin Laden, has a pretty good head on it.

The Delta Variant of COVID-19 has almost completely taken over reported cases in the U.S. It’s so prevalent, the only places you can still get original COVID are Big Lots & Ollie’s Bargain Outlet.

New York’s famed Comedy Cellar does not want Bill Cosby to perform there if he resumes standup comedy. Other clubs are taking a wait-and-see attitude to see if he meets a 10-person bringer requirement.

Music mogul & talent manager Scooter Braun is rumored to be splitting from his wife, Yael. They share three children, but it appears she may be done riding her Scooter.

A California woman is suing, claiming her NutriNinja blender severely cut three of her fingers, and that the blood changed her green smoothie to yellow.

Gypsy moths are getting a new name to remove what some consider an ethnic slur. They’ll now be know as Traveling Scam Artist moths.