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A surge in COVID cases in Beijing has been traced to the Heaven Supermarket bar, a 24-hour bar known for cheap drinks and huge crowds. Chinese officials announced Heaven is in lockdown.

The average U.S. price for a gallon of gasoline topped $5.00 for the first time. It’s so expensive, drivers attending Dead & Company shows have eliminated ‘ass’ & ‘grass’ as payment options for those wishing to ride along.

Donald Trump’s former campaign manager Bill Stepien cancelled his testimony before the January 6th Committee hearings because of a “family emergency” – reportedly, his wife going into labor because, reportedly, Trump induced labor with a million dollars.

Shameka Morris, a young mom in Florida, is being criticized online for covering her one-year-old son’s entire body in temporary tattoos. The toddler is also being criticized for not wearing a shirt at day care while starting a Big Wheel gang there.

A fisherman gutted a large catfish he’d caught in the Ohio River and discovered the fish had swallowed a dildo. Days later, fishermen standing waist-deep in the Ohio River are wondering what ever happened to their favorite catfish.

19-year-old Katie Feeney is the NFL Washington Commanders first-ever social media coordinator. She plans future posts where former Commanders cheerleaders give her tips on dealing with inevitable sexual harassment.

Britney Spears said she danced in a “diamond thong” during her wedding reception. A gemologist inspecting the diamonds downgraded them from ‘flawless’ to ‘kinda gross’.

Christina Aguilera performed at the LA Pride celebration wearing a sparking green strap on dildo. Asked where she got it, she said there were bunch of them in the Lost & Found after the Pride Parade.

Broadway’s Tony Awards were handed out Sunday night, honoring the creative pioneers who turn cartoons, movies and older Broadway plays into recycled spectacles seen by a fraction of one percent of the population.

Rapper The Game said he was hurt that Dr Dre didn’t ask him to join last year’s Super Bowl Halftime show with Eminem, Snoop & Mary J Blige. Dre deflected, saying he didn’t ask because he’s The Game, not The Halftime.

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A change in your walking gait could be an early sign of dementia. Especially if it’s a change caused by not knowing where in the hell you walked to.

Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stefon Diggs was stranded in the city after his Ferrari got stuck in the snow. It was towed to safety, immediately after two Bills fans jumped off the top of it and through a folding table stored in the tow truck.

Novak Djokovic remains in a “deportation hotel” in Australia pending a determination whether he can play in the Australian Open. Djokovic refused vaccination, but Australia reversed its decision to allow him entry, so it’s technically a double-fault.

A new language has been created in the Pacific Northwest, called Protactile, used by deaf/blind people to communicate through touch. The first phrase ever developed was “I want to talk to you. Did you wash your hands?”.

Nicolas Cage and wife Riko Shabata are expecting a baby, which he’s expected to also surrender to the IRS for back payment of debt.

The makers of Nintendo racing game Mario Kart said the next installment – Mario Kart 9 – could come as early as this year with “a new twist”. They wouldn’t elaborate further except to say that you can drive a hearse for the first time.

The NFL is exploring contingency plans to move the Super Bowl from California to Texas if Los Angeles imposes further COVID restrictions. Halftime performers Snoop and Dr Dre say they could rap with masks on, with no change in white viewers understanding them.

U.S. airlines cancelled over 1,000 flights for the 12th straight day. Spirit Airlines is putting some cancelled short-flight passengers on Greyhound buses and betting they won’t really know the difference.

Aaron Babbitt – husband of deceased January 6th rioter Ashli Babbitt – said she wouldn’t have died if he was there with her because he would have “picked up on red flags”. Like, for instance, the “stop or I’ll shoot” red flag.

A November letter from imprisoned Subway spokesman Jared Fogle was leaked to the media. Fogle wrote that he works out regularly, and is in the best shape of his life. He signed off by wishing the recipient good luck in her 7th grade Christmas pageant.