By |

A blizzard warning was issued for parts of Hawai’i, as heaven freezes over.

A South Carolina nurse was charged with creating and issuing fake COVID-19 vaccination cards, after a dozen of her friends bragged about getting three shots of the Madonna vaccine.

An Italian man tried to dodge the COVID vaccine by wearing a fake silicone arm. for which he’s believed to have paid 488 Euros. He was caught, and his wife is furious he stole the money out of her fake silicone body parts savings fund.

Women named Alexa are changing their names because of Amazon’s digital assistant. That, and they’re sick of being asked about state capitals and what time it is.

A man was arrested after jumping out of a taxiing jet and locking himself in a closet at Phoenix Airport. His family claims he’s schizophrenic and thought he was being chased – a claim disputed by a gremlin who rode the flight on the jet’s wing.

The CEO of Better.com was criticized for firing 900 employees over a Zoom call. Then he announced the company was now called Smaller.com.

New York City will mandate COVID vaccines for all private sector employees – a move supported by the head of the pickpockets union and the Council Of Pimps.

Switzerland approved use of the Sarco Suicide Pod – a portable chamber where those seeking to die enter a code, climb in, and die within a minute from nitrogen inhalation. The Netherlands is testing a similar pod using methane, called the Dutch Oven.

KFC is testing a new dipping sauce, ‘Sweet Hot Capital City Mambo Sauce’, in three U.S. cities. They say it’s in response to research where customers expressed a strong desire to get the taste of KFC out of their mouths.

CNN fired anchor Chris Cuomo after an internal review supported allegations of sexual misconduct. Meanwhile, a Fox News review concluded some of their anchors sexually harassed coworkers, so they were given their own primetime shows.

By |

Switzerland – which had previously issued only men’s underwear to all recruits – will now issue women’s underwear to female recruits. Thus ending the only long-term military conflict in Swiss history, The Battle of the Bunch.

CDC data cite COVID-19 as the 3rd-leading cause of death in 2020, right after heart disease and fights over the remote during quarantine.

Chinese police arrested a seller of video game cheat codes, who then escaped after unlocking the keypad on his jail cell with Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A.

Google Maps is being updated to include realtime weather information, for drivers who can’t see out the windows.

After spending a year in space, testing revealed that astronaut Scott Kelly’s heart shrank over 25%, due to zero gravity and his girlfriend dumping him.

Scientists discovered X-rays being emitted by Uranus – an even greater risk to melting your friend’s faces off.

A Pennsylvania pharmacist who wears a Superman suit to his vaccination clinics has given COVID-19 shots to over 15,000 people. However, a different pharmacist dressed as Lex Luthor has vaccinated over 15,000 with a mind control chip.

Ikea introduced a low-cost $55 air purifier, the Ffarrteerasr.

A plane being used for a gender reveal crashed into the ocean in Mexico, killing the pilot and a passenger. The reveal was confusing becuase of the pink dust floating in the blue sea.

Boxer Manny Pacquiao called people attacking Asian-Americans “cowards” and told them to “fight me instead”. A man who assaulted an elderly Chinese woman agreed to fight Pacquiao, and will make $750,000.