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Two workers were rescued after falling into a chocolate vat at a Mars Wrigley candy factory in Pennyslvania. They were treated at a local hospital, and other employees were treated to a song about what they did wrong by little people coworkers.

Co-writer of 90s hit Ice Ice Baby, Mario ‘Chocolate’ Johnson, alleges performer Vanilla Ice didn’t write a word of it. For his part, an angry Ice accused Mario of acting like a chocolate johnson.

GEICO was ordered to pay $5.2 million to a woman who contracted HPV while having sex with a man in his GEICO-insured car. High school girls planning to go all the way in their boyfriend’s cars are now asking them for insurance information.

Jay Z & Twitter founder Jack Dorsey started a ‘Bitcoin Academy’ in a Brooklyn housing project. This replaces the ‘Career Academy’ run by local pimps.

Fleetwood Mac’s Christine McVie said that champagne and cocaine made her perform better, but she needed to stay alert before shows to make sure she got some before Stevie Nicks & Lindsey Buckingham snorted and chugged it all.

Lebron James said he wants to own an NBA franchise in Las Vegas, once he finds several co-owners to blame when the team doesn’t win.

Donald Trump is said to have agreed with January 6th rioters who wanted to hang Mike Pence. Pence was temporarily excited because he thought Trump agreed that Pence was hung.

AT&T is reportedly working on delivering 20 gigabit-per-second Internet access to homes next year. Xfinity said their focus remains on convincing customers they’re getting gigabit Internet speed when it’s really about half that.

Britney Spears’ first husband Jason Alexander attempted to crash her Thursday wedding ceremony. He was arrested and will remain jailed for longer than the 55 hours he was married to Britney.

A British man broke a world record by deadlifting 285.49 pounds with a single finger. He was later rushed to a hospital with severe bleeding after picking his nose.

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Miami Beach declared a State Of Emergency following a wave of Spring Break violence. Police continue to monitor a crisis at the MTV Beach House where Vanilla Ice and Color Me Badd have so far refused to release hostages.

Indiana’s GOP Governor Mike Holcomb vetoed a bill banning transgender athletes from school sports – which has nothing to do with his daughter being one home run away from her school’s softball season record.

The body of a man missing for 10 years was found in the freezer of an abandoned London pub. Anyone who ordered the Shepherds Pie in 2012 is advised to get checked out.

Video shows a preschool teacher leading 4-year-olds in an anti-Joe Biden chant – followed by several of the kids complaining that they’re not learning anything in Ms. Palin’s class.

A tornado touched down at a Walmart in Texas. As employees and shoppers ran for cover, the tornado looted several big-screen TVs.

IQAir, a company tracking global air quality, ranked Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands & French New Caledonia as the best. The worst are India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and the ladies room of The View.

Kylie Jenner announced her new son with Travis Scott is no longer named Wolf, because it didn’t feel like it suited him, and because it’s too difficult to spell.

The District Of Columbia sued Grubhub for “deceptive trade practices”, such as excessive fees, and promising food would arrive hot and free of spit.

Over 100,000 Android phone users have been hacked by a Facebook-password-stealing app Craftsart Cartoon Photo Tools. The app turns your pics into a cartoon of you complaining that your nudes just got sent to all of your Facebook friends.

David Rush broke the Guinness World Record by ‘fist-bumping’ 152 people in a minute – a feat made more impressive because many participants kept forgetting and tried shaking his hand instead.

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An American Airlines flight from New York to Los Angeles was diverted when an unruly passenger assaulted a flight attendant. The flight landed in Denver, in a Home Depot parking lot so the crew could buy duct tape.

An inexpensive generic antidepressant, fluvoxamine, may reduce the risk of severe COVID-19 – or at least make patients a bit happier about getting it.

Snoop Dogg and Eminem are no longer feuding. The two fought since Snoop left Eminem off his list of 10 Greatest Rappers. Snoop apologized, saying Eminem belongs on the list, but to make room he must make a difficult phone call to Vanilla Ice.

Researchers remain puzzled by the origin of mummies found in China in the 1990s, all of them buried in boats in the middle of a desert. Although the researchers do agree that the people in the boats got pretty bad directions to the yacht club.

Sitting Bull’s great grandson has been identified using a new DNA technique. He’s been positively identified as Sitting Around Playing Video Games Bull.

A new study finds drinking coffee reduces the risk of developing kidney stones. And that, for people who already have them, it could decrease them from two lumps to one.

A Kentucky high school is under investigation for a pageant where students wear little clothing and give lap dances to teachers and staff. Participants defended the tradition, calling it “Kentucky occupational training”.

Great white sharks vision can’t tell a difference between seals and humans swimming or surfing, according to a new study. Human attacks may be a case of “mistaken identity” with seals, or a case of humans with enough blubber to be seals.

The United Nations released a new video warning of the effects of climate change, starring a talking animatronic dinosaur. Afghanistan’s UN Ambassador walked out on the video because it was an uncovered female dinosaur.

Three elementary schools near Syracuse, New York banned ‘Squid Game‘-themed Halloween costumes, citing the violent nature of the series, and a dozen recess deaths during Red Light/Green Light and Tug-of-War.