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Sophia Urista, lead singer of Brass Against, went viral after video circulated of her urinating on a man’s face onstage at a music festival. Some fans were outraged, but the man had purchased Gold Circle VIPee tickets.

‘House of Gucci‘ premieres this Thanksgiving, starring Lady Gaga & Adam Driver in a true story about an outsider’s attempts to take over the iconic fashion brand. Producers settled on ‘House of Gucci‘ instead of its original title, ‘Gucci Gucci Coup‘.

Investigators solved the 50-year-old mystery of Theodore Conrad, a Cleveland bank teller who put $215,000 in a paper bag and disappeared in 1969. Conrad died earlier this year and was buried under a stone engraved “Whatever, I got out of Cleveland”.

The Trump Organization is selling its Washington DC hotel. It will become a Waldorf-Astoria as soon as they remove the discarded hooker outfits and urine-soaked mattresses from the Presidential Suite.

According to The Framingham Heart Study, sugar-sweetened beverages are the worst drink for liver disease, even worse than alcohol. However, fiber consumption can prevent the damage, say the makers of all-new Mountain Dew Code Red Metamucil.

Walmart’s Black Friday ad shows special deals on Playstation 5 and Xbox Series X game consoles as available “online only”. But for a fee, Walmart will send fifty workers to your house to trample you as you try to shop online at midnight.

Adele said in an interview with Oprah Winfrey that her weight loss journey started with exercise that she used to control her anxiety. “I wish I had your anxiety!” said Oprah.

A 32-year-old woman was arrested for physically assaulting a Southwest Airlines employee. The woman said she heard the *ding* to move about the cabin, but never heard the second *ding* to end the round and stop punching.

The Beaver Moon lunar eclipse on November 19th will be the longest of the century, and the most disappointing to teen boys aroused by how sexy it sounds.

An 84-year-old man bought a Portsmouth, Virginia home “sight unseen” for $160,000 cash, then murdered his realtor in it before killing himself. The home has been relisted as a “fixer upper”.

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Officials in Aruba are investigating the death of a woman aboard a Princess Cruises ship. She fell from a high deck and landed on a lifeboat. Those same officials on the case are also considering using a different name for ‘lifeboat’. 

Facebook announced that they will outsource decisions regarding content policy to an independent firm.  “Yep, that’s racist alright” said the independent firm several million times already. 

Hotel chains in China apologized after media platform Weibo posted a long video of staff wiping silverware, glasses & bathroom fixtures with dirty towels instead of cleaning them. Hyatt, Waldorf-Astoria & Sheraton all said the workers know better and those rhesus monkeys will be retrained. 

Jennie-O recalled 91 thousand pounds of raw ground turkey products for possible salmonella contamination – ruining the sad Thanksgiving plans of people planning their meal around turkey burgers. 

An 8-foot terracotta statue of an owl in Kikinda, Serbia is drawing criticism for its resemblance to an erect penis. Some are demanding it be removed, others like it, and some women are searching local gift shops to see if there are smaller versions of it they can bring home. 

Facebook Messenger is readying a feature where contacts can simultaneously co-view videos. They’re said to be releasing it just as soon as they can make the controls easily operable with one hand. 

Tinder announced it’s testing a new feature called Swipe Surge, that sends alerts when larger volumes of users are actively looking for hookups — such as music festivals, sporting events, or the 16 hours a day when men are awake. 

Toyota unveiled its redesign of the world’s most popular car – the 2020 Corolla Sedan. “Wow, I can’t wait to test drive it!” said people who just want to get where they’re going. 

New Orleans airport now offers alligators as ‘therapy animals’ to de-stress passengers prior to boarding flights. The gators can rip a leg off of a traveler so that he/she qualifies to board early and get an overhead bin.

A paraplegic passenger on budget airline FlyDubai claims he was unable to access the lavatory during flight, forcing him to urinate in a bottle. A spokesperson for FlyDubai defended the airline, saying that they allow passengers to have a full bottle of Coke.