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A new study finds ultra-processed foods can be as addictive as drugs. The study followed 200 individuals who entered rehab after Slim Jim overdoses.

During its Sugar Bowl broadcast, ESPN aired a crowd scene from New Orleans’ Bourbon Street where a woman flashed her bare breast. ESPN apologized, but said if viewers wanted to see more boobs during football, tune in to Chris Berman and Booger McFarland.

‘The Bachelorette‘ alum Rachel Lindsay’s husband Brian Abosolo filed to end their four-year marriage, after discovering she’s starring in the pilot episode of ‘The Divorcee’.

The U.S. national debt hit a record $34 trillion, leading to Joe Biden’s government credit card being rejected at Starbucks.

The NFL fined Carolina Panthers owner David Tepper $300,000 for throwing a drink on Jacksonville Jaguars fans during his team’s loss. He must also attend training at a Philadelphia Eagles game to learn how to properly throw a drink at someone.

A 13-year-old in Oklahoma claims to have ‘beaten’ Tetris, reaching level 157 before crashing the game in 38 minutes. He also broke the game’s high-score record, and the record for the longest time anyone from Oklahoma has used a computer.

A winter storm could deliver the Northeast U.S. first significant snow accumulation in 2 years. The National Grocery Store Association raised their bread & milk accumulation threat level to Code Orange.

Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner, 73 and fiancee Theresa Nist, 70, said they want all the women contestants from the show to attend their televised wedding, along with family, close friends, and several EMTs.

A Florida man was arrested after attempting to take a 4-year-old boy in Walmart, and unsuccessfully arguing with customer service for a raincheck.

Utah officials are investigating the death of a man at Salt Lake City airport who climbed into the jet engine of a parked aircraft. He had a boarding pass for a flight to Denver, and instructions from Frontier Airlines on where to sit when flying standby.

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Actress Anna Faris said she’s “lucky to be alive” after she and her family were sickened from carbon monoxide poisoning at a Lake Tahoe rental home. She also said her career is “lucky to be alive” after co-starring in ‘The Hot Chick’ with Rob Schneider.

This week’s powerful winter storm deposited over a foot of snow in 25 different states. It dumped so much white stuff over so much of the U.S., they named the storm El Chapo.

Rainy weather and an early frost damaged Idaho’s potato crop to the point where there may be a french fry shortage. In that event, shipment priority for fries will be given to the McDonald’s closest to The White House.

Instagram account @PassengerShaming posted a photo of an American flight that allowed a pony in the cabin as a passenger’s support animal. Other passengers were outraged, as were flight attendants who were asked to help the horse take its shoes off.

Susan Weddle, a 40-year-old Florida teacher, is accused of having sex with her son’s 15-year-old friend ‘several hundred times’.  “Where does she find the TIME?!” asked other busy teachers who can only squeeze in sex with students once or twice a month.

The NHL New Jersey Devils fired head coach John Hynes following a 7-1 loss in Buffalo. Hynes offered no comment but is said to be relieved the Devils are not in his detail.

Exes Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck allegedly argued outside of her house the day after Thanksgiving. She prefers stuffing outside of the bird, and he demands stuffing in them.

NASA cameras spotted the site where India’s Moon Lander crashed two months ago. It was right next to India’s Moon Tow Truck.

Google Photos launched a new private messaging feature, where you can share a photo with another Google Photos user, then have an ongoing chat about your breasts or penis.

Police captured two of the four teenage boys who escaped from a Nashville juvenile detention facility. The others remain at large, and cops are preparing for a tense standoff outside of Dave & Busters.

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A new study suggests that your body type – specifically, how you carry weight in your abdomen – is largely determined by genetics, and by genetically modified cheeseburgers.

Following a poor earnings forecast, Weight Watchers shares dropped from $37 to $25 on Tuesday. “Hooray!” said Weight Watchers members who don’t understand the stock market.

Honda is shutting down a car manufacturing plant in western England in 2021, resulting in the loss of 3,500 factory jobs, not counting the tea & crumpet people.

Boy Scouts of America troops are welcoming girls to join their ranks for the first time. Young women joining Boy Scouts receive a special handbook to ensure they know there aren’t Merit Badges for nudity and sexting.

According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, the number of hate groups active in the U.S. rose to its highest level last year. Hate groups are only expected to grow, following the New England Patriots Super Bowl win.

Reports surfaced that the Vatican came up with special guidelines for Catholic priests who fathered children in violation of their vow of celibacy. One of them is a $1.000 budget limit on the gender reveal party.

A huge winter storm is moving across the continental U.S., impacting up to 30 states with snow, ice and freezing rain. Experts call it “winter”.

After his sentencing to 45 years in prison for assaulting his girlfriend and setting their apartment building on fire, an Ohio man sucker-punched his attorney, breaking his nose. The attorney is considering whether to continue branding himself as “tough & smart.”

Drew Rosenhaus, agent for Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, said the player hasn’t made a decision about his retirement. “He’s giving it a lot of thought” said Rosenhaus, in what is believed to be a first for Gronkowski.

Nike’s $350 Adapt BB self-tightening smart sneakers are reportedly breaking for some users after an Android update on their phone. “Aw man, now I have to get new sneakers AND a new phone!” said wealthy morons who don’t like tying their own shoes.