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A 76-year-old woman in Ecuador who’d been declared dead was alive and pounding on the lid of her coffin at her wake. Her family is demanding that the funeral home remove embalming charges from their bill.

Paul McCartney said a ‘final’ Beatles song is forthcoming, completed with the help of artificial intelligence. The artificial intelligence convinced John to dump Yoko.

As of Monday, Donald Trump still had not found a local attorney to represent him at his federal indictment in Miami. Attorneys are so convinced he won’t pay them that they’ve all replaced their billboard ads with pictures of missing children.

Theranos founder and convicted felon Elizabeth Holmes said she won’t be able to pay $250/month restitution once her prison sentence ends in 11 years, when she’ll be 50. The judge told her to stay in shape just in case she has to resort to Only Fans.

Nine people were injured after gunfire erupted outside Ball Arena in Denver after the hometown Denver Nuggets won their first NBA championship. Shell casings reveal the shooters went 9-for-20.

Pat Sajak will retire as host of Wheel Of Fortune after next season. Not to be outdone, Vanna White announced she’s going celibate, that she’s touched her last D.

A cannon was stolen from historic Fort Mifflin in South Philadelphia sometime in early June. Investigators believe the thieves already had a lot of balls.

Nilla Fischer, a member of Sweden’s women’s national soccer team, said they had to show their genitals to a team medical staffer to prove they were females during the 2011 World Cup. Fischer said she wonders whatever happened to backup goalie Hildegarde, who was released.

Trans activist Rose Montoya lowered her dress and bared her breasts after meeting President Biden during a Pride event at the White House. Montoya was roundly criticized for poor taste, and critcized by Melania Trump for not getting any money showing her boobs.

Instagram influencers Racquelle Anteola, a rapper, and Melissa Dufour, a fitness entrepreneur, were arrested after cops found 216 pounds of cocaine hidden in the floor of their SUV. The cocaine was charged with driving under the influencers.

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Registered Democrats are returning twice as many ballots as registered Republicans in early voting returns – according to Republican poll workers who say they’re having a hard time keeping up with shredding them.

John Lennon would have turned 80 today, if you believe he could have survived listening to Yoko Ono sing for another 39 years.

The head golf pro at an Upstate New York club died after a tree fell on him. Rescuers moved the tree branch, but were assessed a two-stroke penalty.

Famed plastic surgeon Dr. Terry Dubrow – star of E! Network show ‘Botched’ – claims a former patient is extorting him for $5 million because of her failed buttock lift. Since her ass was damaged, she wants to sue Dubrow’s off.

Microsoft is allowing employees to work from home permanently – provided they’re using Apple computers so they don’t spend the whole day with tech support.

The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to the World Food Programme for their efforts battling global famine – narrowly edging out the guy who put on a McDonald’s & Burger King buffet for the football team.

An Australian surfer is missing in a suspected shark attack. So far the shark’s lawyers have refused investigator’s requests to floss his teeth.

Dollar General is opening new stores targeted at wealthier shoppers: Dollar Twenty-Nine General.

Donald Trump still wants to have campaign rallies, despite his voice giving out calling ‘Hannity’. The rallies would have the sign-language translator at the podium, while Trump flails his arms and tries to talk in the background.

The new ‘Jurassic World’ movie halted production after several velociraptors tested positive for COVID-19.