Several brands of dry shampoo including Dove, Tresemme & Bed Head were recalled because they may contain high levels of benzene, causing cancerous head & shoulders.

A magnitude 5.1 earthquake hit San Jose, California. All of the iPhones at Apple headquarters in nearby Cupertino were set to vibrate.

Scientists at Stanford University created a 3D rendering of the Virgin Mary, mother of Jesus Christ, that bears an uncanny resemblance to Lady Gaga. Although biblical scholars are questioning where & how Mary would get a dress made of meat.

Clorox recalled 37 million bottles of Pine-Sol cleaner because they could contain Pseudomonas aeruginosa, which could harm immunocompromised people. The bottles are identifiable by labels reading: ‘Kills 0.0% of Harmful Bacteria’.

Spotify is considering a price increase as both Apple Music and YouTube Premium increased rates by $2/month and up. Top artists like Taylor Swift and Paul McCartney plan to use their additional royalties to buy a Venti latte instead of Tall.

Forbes magazine claims Kanye West lost ‘billionaire’ status after Adidas ended their partnership with him. In other news, Jewish kids still enrolled at West’s Donda Academy school lost ‘approved vacation’ status for the first day of Chanukah.

Coca-Cola’s CEO said they’re responding to inflation by trying new sizes and packaging for customers with less money to spend. Starting in 2023, they’ll sell bottles containing one sip.

Senators Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders are both opposed to the pending $25 billion merger between grocery giants Kroger & Albertson’s, with each questioning what will happen to the 30-cents-a-gallon in gas reward points they’ve saved up.

Medical experts are advising when to get the updated COVID booster shot before Thanksgiving, saying two weeks before the holiday is best, or to get it the day before, since you’ll be so sick & tired on Thanksgiving you can’t go.

Las Vegas Golden Knights forward Phil Kessel is the National Hockey League’s new ‘Ironman’, appearing in his 990th consecutive game. His left and right front teeth lasted 26 and 448 games, respectively.

After the website crashed on the final day of open enrollment, the National Healthcare Marketplace – Obamacare – extended the deadline. People getting Obamacare were given one more day to find out their credit card was declined.

25 years after its initial release, Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100.  Experts seeking to prevent mass shootings hope the same thing doesn’t happen with Paul McCartney’s ‘Wonderful Christmastime’.

Coca-Cola is starting the Coca-Cola Insiders Club, where subscribers pay $10/month to get a monthly shipment of new-to-the-public Coke beverages along with “other surprises”, like replacement teeth.

After a series of hacks, Ring security camera makers gave advice on how to keep your camera from being accessed. They include using two-factor authentication, changing passwords, and looking gross so hackers won’t want to spy on you.

A Chinese woman will be deported after her conviction for operating a “birth tourism” business – where pregnant Chinese women would give birth in the U.S. so their children would be U.S. citizens. She was discovered after too many customers delivered girls and left them when they returned to China.

Sylvester Stallone visited the famed ‘Rocky’ statue in Philadelphia on Monday, as part of a secret that he would only describe as “something extraordinary” – leaving many to think it would be something extraordinary if he stopped making movies.

Chain restaurants such as Wendy’s, Chick-fil-A, and others are using “ghost kitchens” – kitchens without restaurants that are solely devoted to online & delivery orders. However they’re concerned about “ghost delivery drivers” who disappear with the food.

Members of Mötley Crüe are reportedly working with trainers and nutritionists to prepare for their summer stadium tour. Bassist Nikki Sixx said he’s eating 2500 “macro balanced” calories a day, while guitarist Mick Mars receives daily one-gallon infusions of teenage blood.

Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta reunited for a Grease Sing-A-Long in Florida, with Newton-John wearing her original costume, and Travolta wearing his costume and a full head of hair.

Ironically, Clint Eastwood biopic ‘Richard Jewell’ bombed at the weekend box office, despite Jewell not really being the bomber.

Retailers are battling slumping sales by offering their own subscription services. Gap, Old Navy and even Fruit of the Loom will send you clothes for a fixed monthly fee – though single male Fruit of the Loom subscribers are confused as to why they’d need new underwear more than once every couple of years.

Khloe Kardashian confirmed that she’s pregnant. She’s already fired two ultrasound technicians who didn’t know how to Snapchat sonograms.

  • Next week on ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’, Khloe’s fetus fights with Kourtney over where to spend Christmas vacation.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Idaho passed Illinois as the 5th most-populous state, thanks to Idaho’s booming tech scene and Chicago’s booming murder scene.

Apple confirms that a software feature released last year slows older iPhones to offset issues with the phones’ aging batteries. In a statement Apple said their goal is to deliver the best experience for owners of iPhones – purchased within the last month.

Chipotle shares dropped 5% following reports of sick customers and employees at an L.A. location. Coincidentally, those persons’ weight dropped 5%.

Facebook announced that it’s changing the way it identifies ‘Fake News’ in users’ feeds. They are replacing the ‘Disputed Flag’ with a Breitbart byline.

The House of Representatives introduced a measure to continue to fund the Children’s Health Insurance Program through March – it’s a GoFundMe where donors give a nickel for every 30-lb seated bicep curl Paul Ryan does.

Defense Secretary James ‘Mad Dog’ Mattis visited Guantanamo Bay to deliver a message of Holiday good cheer to the troops, and a continuous loop of Paul McCartney’s ‘Wonderful Christmastime’ to the prisoners.

Senator Al Franken delivered his final speech to the U.S. Senate, and afterward hugged male colleagues and waved to females.

The AARP issued a list of reasons it opposes the new tax reform law, as younger Americans pretended to listen to them and care what they have to say.