Thursday Jokes: December 20

Porn actress Jenna Jameson shared three photos of her buttocks on Instagram, to display the progress of her appearance over the course of an eight-month, 80-pound weight loss. “Oh, NOW I recognize you!” said 50 different male porn stars when they saw the third picture.

A GoFundMe campaign seeks to raise a billion dollars to help fund the controversial wall along the U.S./Mexico border, and has already raised $3.3 million dollars. It was started by The Trump Foundation.

Customer service agents at DNA testing services like Ancestry and 23andMe are reporting fielding panic calls from customers getting results that reveal they’re adopted, or that children aren’t really theirs. They say the hard part is telling callers that speaking to a supervisor won’t change that their wife had an affair.

Kim, Khloe & Kourtney Kardashian and sister Kylie Jenner all said they’ll no longer update their personal apps and websites — abandoning fans who will only be able to see & read about them on their tv show..gossip sites..other tv shows.. Facebook.. Instagram.. Snapchat..TikTok…

Anheuser-Busch is investing $50 million toward development of cannabis-infused beverages. So around July 4th, when they put America on Budweiser cans, it will read Stoned America instead.

Following Alfonso Ribeiro’s lawsuit against Epic Games ‘Fortnite’ for stealing his Carlton Dance, ‘Backpack Kid’, inventor of the Floss, is also suing Epic for stealing his dance. Lawyers for Chubby Checker are ready just in case Fortnite characters do The Twist while standing in front of a walker.

Walgreens announced a plan designed to save the company more than $1 billion annually. It pretty much boils down to firing everyone who’s been stealing oxycontin.

The U.S. Justice Department accused China of systemic hacking into the systems of American tech & industry giants. Comcast said that the Chinese had stolen their Customer Satisfaction Playbook – but the Justice Department said they’re more worried about useful information that was stolen.

In the U.K., a dying man enamored of his two-year-old neighbor girl bought her 19 years of Xmas presents and had them delivered to her parents before he passed away.  The parents cried, then promptly opened the Year 19 gift and got wasted on it.

Saudi Arabia announced the creation of three new government bodies aimed at improving their intelligence operations after the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul. The three bodies are: strategy & development; legal affairs; and a new & improved secret murder department.

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